


Chit Chat

by Icantswim



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Avengers Academy - Freeform, But only a little, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Group chat, High School, M/M, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2020-07-09 00:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 53
Words: 24,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19878754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icantswim/pseuds/Icantswim
Summary: Welcome to Avenger High's most prominent group chats as well as private conversations!THE ROSTER-Seniors~America's Ass: SteveDaddy Warbucks: TonyKnockoff Legolas: ClintRed Riding Hood: NatashaPoptart King: ThorThe Trash Slinging Smasher: BrucehArmless: BuckyMarty McFly: SamOld Town Rhodes: RhodeyWolfie: LoganFridge Magnet: ErikPsycho Psychic: CharlesJuniors~Sneaky Snake: LokiVoldemort: StephenFuck This Shit I'm Out: CarolKnife=Life: ValkyriePink Panther: T'ChallaSophomores~Square Up □ꜛ: GamoraTwinkle Toes: Peter QMetal Mouth: NebulaDraxula: DraxNotACricket: MantisTrash Panda: RocketI AM GROOT: GrootSmall Fry: ScottDean of Mean: HopeChimichanga Addict: WadeFreshmen~It Is Wednesday My Dudes: Peter PUpper Crust: ShuriMinute Man: PietroWitches Be Crazy: WandaLightning McQueen: Peter MBurn Baby Burn: Johnny StormYou can’t see me: Susan Storm





	1. i'm ending it all

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there... I'm icantswim. Instead of writing my other fic I decided to make an Avenger's highschool group chat. Enjoy!

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Thursday November 19, 2018 11:36 P.M.

 **Daddy Warbucks:** guys I’m ending it all

 **Knockoff Legolas:** good riddance

 **Red Riding Hood:** adios

 **America’s Ass:** don’t you dare

 **The Trash Slinging Smasher:** I call dibs on his coffee pot

 **Old Town Rhodes:** umm excuse me i’m his best friend if anyone gets that coffee pot it’s me

 **hArmless:** tony how are you gonna do it?

 **Knockoff Legolas:** why does it matter

 **hArmless:** so we know if we’re doing a closed casket or not… duh

 **Daddy Warbucks:** GUYS!!!

 **Daddy Warbucks:** I’m not killing myself

 **Daddy Warbucks:** I was talking about my new project idea

 **America’s Ass:** thank god

 **Old Town Rhodes:** darn

 **Daddy Warbucks:** rude ass

 **Old Town Rhodes:** what??? i really wanted that coffee pot

 **Daddy Warbucks:** don’t worry about me…

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ig i’ll just go drown my sorrows in my dads whiskey collection

 **America’s Ass:** Alcohol isn’t the solution

 **Daddy Warbucks:** I mean chemically it is a solution

 **Daddy Warbucks:** but in this situation it is also my solution

 **America’s Ass:** … tony no

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Tony yes


	2. here we go again

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Friday November 20, 2018 9:13 A.M

**Knockoff Legolas:** alright i have a very important question

**Red Riding Hood:** in the middle of biology? I cant help you there dude

**Knockoff Legolas:** is cereal a soup???

**Daddy Warbucks:** seriously thats your question

**Knockoff Legolas:** what? its a valid question

**The Trash Slinging Smasher:** no clint its not a valid question

**Knockoff Legolas:** is so

**The Trash Slinging Smasher:** is not

**Knockoff Legolas:** is so

**The Trash Slinging Smasher:** is not

**Red Riding Hood:** CHILDREN

**Red Riding Hood:** ENOUGH

**Knockoff Legolas:** is so

**Red Riding Hood:** CUNT

**Red Riding Hood:** *CLINT

**Daddy Warbucks:** I think you meant the first one

**The Trash Slinging Smasher:** -and I oop

**Daddy Warbucks:** and to answer your question cereal is in fact not a soup

**Knockoff Legolas:** but whyyyy

**Daddy Warbucks:** well soup is a primarily liquid food

**Knockoff Legolas:** but cereal has a liquid

**Daddy Warbucks:** touche

**Daddy Warbucks:** I dunno what to tell you then katniss

**Knockoff Legolas:** darn

**Knockoff Legolas:** wait i have another question

**The Trash Slinging Smasher:** oh boy

**Red Riding Hood:** here we go again

**Knockoff Legolas:** Is a hotdog a sandwich???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there... So I have a question... based on the roster is there anyone else you would like to see make an appearance on these group chats? If so let me know in the comments.


	3. RAGER! RAGER! RAGER!

Daddy Warbucks has created

People I Tolerate-  
Members:America’s Ass, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, Sneaky Snake, hArmless, Marty McFly, Witches Be Crazy, Minute Man, It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Voldemort, Fuck This Shit I’m Out, Pink Panther, Upper Crust,  
Old Town Rhodes, Knife=Life

Friday November 20, 2018 12:17 P.M.

**Daddy Warbucks:** hey bitches

 **Daddy Warbucks:** guess who has two thumbs and is throwing a party at my parents house tonight… this guy

 **Daddy Warbucks:** be there by 10

 **America’s Ass:** not again

 **Knockoff Legolas:** RAGER!!

 **Knockoff Legolas:** RAGER!!

 **Red Riding Hood:** umm why are the children invited (freshmen)

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** first of all rude second of all mr stark loves us so...

 **Red Riding Hood:** why the fuck does he call you mr stark?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i honestly don’t know i told him to just call me tony but he wont listen

 **Red Riding Hood:** great... i cant wait to babysit a bunch of freshmen smh

 **Poptart King:** I think that it is a splendid idea to extend the invitation to the youth

 **Upper Crust:** did you seriously just call us ‘the youth’?

 **Upper Crust:** i’m only like three years younger than you

 **Poptart King:** Indeed

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Idc whos there as long as i can get FUCKIN WASTED!!

 **The Trash Slinging Smasher:** ig that means i’m the designated driver

 **The Trash Slinging Smasher:** yay me *cues the sarcasm*

 **Daddy Warbucks:** I mean you could always have a few drinks

 **Voldemort:** Do you not remember the last time Bruce got drunk

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** what happened????

 **Upper Crust:** yeah tell us

 **Daddy Warbucks:** u brought it up strange so you tell the freshmen what happened

 **Voldemort:** fine

 **Voldemort:** Clint gave Bruce way too much alcohol and Bruce took off his clothes and streaked around Tony’s entire neighborhood then tried to flirt with a cat

 **The Trash Slinging Smasher:** thanks guys…

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** awesome

 **Minute Man:** guess whos gonna spike bruce’s drink

 **The Trash Slinging Smasher:** do you want me to kill you

 **Minute Man:** you’ll have to catch me first

 **Pink Panther:** I’m not sure i think Shuri is old enough to go to a Stark party

 **Upper Crust:** You’re not my dad ugly ass noodle head

 **Pink Panther:** …..

 **Marty McFly:** I’ll be there

 **hArmless:** woooo! A drunk sam is a fun sam

 **Marty McFly:** fuck you

 **hArmless:** maybe later

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** eww stop flirting

 **Upper Crust:** yeah its almost as bad as when Tony and Steve flirt… yuck

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** you leave mr stark and mr captain america out of this

 **Red Riding Hood:** aww look who’s sticking up for his parents

 **Red Riding Hood:** how cute

 **Daddy Warbucks:** wait wut


	4. anyone seen clint?

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Friday November 20, 2018 10:13 P.M.

**hArmless:** open up stark we’re here

 **Marty McFly:** if ur having a party then why is the door locked???

 **Daddy Warbucks:** to keep houligans like you out

 **Marty McFly:** you invited us…

 **Daddy Warbucks:** did i tho??

 **hArmless:** its fucking freezing out here so if you dont open the damn door im breaking it down

 **Daddy Warbucks:** easy buckaroo i was just kidding

 **America’s Ass:** all of you be nice

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Friday November 20, 2018 10:42 P.M.

**Red Riding Hood:** has anyone seen clint?

 **America’s Ass:** last i saw him he was doing shots with Thor

 **Poptart King:** Aye, Clinton and I were consuming small amounts of strong liquor together roughly 25 minutes ago

 **America’s Ass:** maybe we should ask the chat of everyone here and ask if they have seen him

 **Red Riding Hood:** im on it

People I Tolerate-

Members:America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, Sneaky Snake, hArmless, Marty McFly, Witches Be Crazy, Minute Man, It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Voldemort, Fuck This Shit I’m Out, Pink Panther, Upper Crust, Old Town Rhodes, Knife=Life

Friday November 20, 2018 10:47

**Red Riding Hood:** anyone seen clint?

 **Fuck This Shit I’m Out:** It hasn’t even been an hour and we already lost clint

 **Fuck This Shit I’m Out:** i think that’s a new record

 **Red Riding Hood:** not helpful

 **hArmless:** i haven’t seen him

 **Old Town Rhodes:** me neither

 **Daddy Warbucks** : Steve and I will check upstairs

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** wait has this happened before?

 **Fuck This Shit I’m Out:** every single party since sophomore year

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** awesome

 **Daddy Warbucks:** clint isn’t up here

 **America’s Ass:** he isn’t in his usual spot either

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** he has a usual spot? Plz share

 **Daddy Warbucks:** he likes to sit in my pantry and eat everything

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** why am i not surprised

 **Red Riding Hood:** we need to find him before he gets hurt

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ok everyone split up and look around for him

People I Tolerate-

Members:America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, Sneaky Snake, hArmless, Marty McFly, Witches Be Crazy, Minute Man, It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Voldemort, Fuck This Shit I’m Out, Pink Panther, Upper Crust, Old Town Rhodes, Knife=Life

Friday November 20, 2018 11:24 P.M.

**Red Riding Hood:** bruce and i looked all around the house… no clint

 **hArmless:** me and sam checked the backyard and by the pool theres no sign of him

 **Knife=Life:** umm guys

 **Knife=Life:** I think he’s on the roof

 **Red Riding Hood:** im going to kill him


	5. ahh my eyes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to put pictures on this but I'm not sure if it worked... sorry if you can't see it

Area 51- Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Sunday November 22, 2018 1:33 P.M.

 **hArmless:** was looking through some of my old family albums and found this beauty

 **hArmless:**

**America’s Ass:** wow i hate you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Bucky i need a copy of that right now

 **America’s Ass:** whyyyy

 **Daddy Warbucks:** so i can print it out and hang it in my room

 **America’s Ass:** plz dont

 **hArmless:** dont worry Tony i’ll just give you a copy at school tomorrow

 **Daddy Warbucks:** thanks barnes i owe u one

 **America’s Ass:** well two can play at that game

 **America’s Ass:**

**hArmless:** i am so gonna kick your ass

 **Marty McFly:** bahahaha i love this

 **America’s Ass:** saying he had a glow up is an understatement

 **hArmless:** shut up

 **Red Riding Hood:** well since we’re sharing embarrassing childhood photos

 **Red Riding Hood:**

**Knockoff Legolas:** not cool nat not cool

 **Red Riding Hood:** what? you look great

 **Old Town Rhodes:**

**Old Town Rhodes:** Sorry Tones

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ahhh my eyes!

 **Daddy Warbucks:** before i knew about hair product

 **America’s Ass:** i think you look very cute

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ur just saying that

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ur lucky rhodey

 **Old Town Rhodes:** why?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ur lucky that mama rhodes doesn’t have a cell phone or i’d have her send all of your fourth grade pictures over

 **Old Town Rhodes:** you wouldn’t dare

 **Daddy Warbucks:** oh but i would

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't see the pictures and would like to know what I was talking about here are the links:
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=rdj+as+a+kid&rlz=1CAOLTF_enUS812&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwixg-Si9cbjAhWEhOAKHZvqBMwQ_AUIESgB&biw=1080&bih=491&safe=active&ssui=on#imgrc=r-XXNFdg0P7-TM:
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?  
> q=young+jeremy+renner&rlz=1CAOLTF_enUS812&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjhuquG-MbjAhWCTN8KHV0MBSYQ_AUIESgB&biw=1080&bih=491&safe=active&ssui=on#imgrc=9Hn4MVHbKO50fM:
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=young+sebastian+stan&rlz=1CAOLTF_enUS812&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjc77iR98bjAhWCm-AKHXyZCPoQ_AUIESgB&biw=1080&bih=491&safe=active&ssui=on#imgrc=Rwi1qV0jRs7oTM:
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=young+chris+evans&rlz=1CAOLTF_enUS812&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjQ_Ivj-cbjAhXIjVkKHS7LBKoQ_AUIESgB&biw=1080&bih=491&safe=active&ssui=on#imgrc=JKCRU3WjxQwEXM:


	6. *gasps* what?

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Monday November 23, 2018 9:39 A.M.

**Daddy Warbucks:** Ryan Gosling is a daddy… just saying

 **Knockoff Legolas** : dont you have a boyfriend or something

 **Daddy Warbucks:** im engaged not blind

Daddy Warbucks: i mean what?? Im not engaged

 **Knockoff Legolas:** *gasps* what

 **Daddy Warbucks:** oops

 **Red Riding Hood:** you guys got engaged and didn’t tell us

 **America’s Ass:** wow tony your secret keeping skills are impeccable

 **Daddy Warbucks:** it was an accident

 **Red Riding Hood:** you were an accident

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i am not confirming nor denying that statement

 **Old Town Rhodes:** so you guys are really engaged?

 **America’s Ass:** sorta…

 **Old Town Rhodes:** what do you mean ‘sorta’

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well you see

 **Daddy Warbucks:** after the party it was just me and Steve and we played a drinking game

 **America’s Ass:** which was a very bad idea

 **Daddy Warbucks:** and we got trashed

 **America’s Ass:** then we got into a fight

 **Daddy Warbucks:** then I proposed with my class ring

 **America's Ass:** and i said yes

 **Old Town Rhodes:** and you didn’t tell me?? Im hurt tony

 **Daddy Warbucks:** we agreed not to tell anyone until we figure out if we’re actually gonna stay engaged or not

 **Red Riding Hood:** well are you???

 **Knockoff Legolas:** yeah are you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** yep

 **America’s Ass:** we are

 **Old Town Rhodes:** well congrats guys

 **Red Riding Hood:** yeah im happy for you guys

 **Knockoff Legolas:** same

 **hArmless:** STEVE??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR ENGAGED

 **America’s Ass:** im a dead man

 **Marty McFly:** dont worry ill calm him down

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well this isnt exactly how we planned to tell you guys

 **America’s Ass:** well that your own fault isnt it?

 **America’s Ass:** maybe if you weren’t swooning over other guys we wouldn’t be in this mess

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Puh-lease i was not swooning over other guys

 **Daddy Warbucks:** I was just saying that Ryan Gosling was a daddy

 **Daddy Warbucks:** but dont worry stevie your MY daddy ;)

 **Knockoff Legolas:** OH MY GOD im gonna throw up

 **Red Riding Hood:** eww that was nasty

 **Marty McFly:** i think i need to go wash my eyes out with sulfuric acid


	7. murder is my middle name

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Monday November 23, 2018 11:47 A.M.

 **America’s Ass:** alright guys im plotting murder who wants to help?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** dont over react steve

 **hArmless:** you can count me in... murder is my middle name

 **Marty McFly:** i thought it was Buchanan?

 **hArmless:** shut up

 **Red Riding Hood:** who are we murdering and why?

 **America’s Ass:** rumlow cuz he a piece of shit

 **Red Riding Hood:** i mean true but it there something specific that happened

 **Daddy Warbucks:** its nothing

 **America’s Ass:** its not nothing tony

 **America’s Ass:** Rumlow shoved tony and tried to punch him but when i interfered he called us some stuff

 **hArmless:** like what kind of stuff

 **America’s Ass:** homophobic slurs

 **Red Riding Hood:** that little shit

 **Old Town Rhodes:** im gonna kill him

 **Knockoff Legolas:** thats real funny coming from Rumlow

 **Daddy Warbucks:** wym?

 **Knockoff Legolas:** well besides the fact that i always catch him checking out Steve’s ass i also heard that Fury caught him and Rollins in the janitors  
closet

 **Red Riding Hood:** no fucking way

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well steve does have america’s ass so

 **hArmless:** anyways… now back to plotting murder

 **hArmless:** im thinking we could throw him into a bathtub full of water and then drop a toaster in there with him

 **The Trash Slinging Smasher:** I can make poison and slip it into one of his protein shakes

 **Poptart King:** I can bludgeon his head in with Mjölnir

 **Red Riding Hood:** or we could put venomous snakes in backpack

 **Knockoff Legolas:** i could make that work

 **Marty McFly:** we could have bucky and steve sit on him

 **hArmless:** you callin me fat?

 **hArmless:** rude

 **Old Town Rhodes:** we could run him over with my dads pick-up truck

 **Knockoff Legolas:** ooooo i got it

 **Knockoff Legolas:** we could strap him down and cover him in honey and leave him outside

 **Red Riding Hood:** wow clint thats harsh

 **Daddy Warbucks:** okay we are not killing rumlow

 **America’s Ass:** darn

 **Knockoff Legolas:** ur no fun

 **Old Town Rhodes:** come on tony

 **Marty McFly:** good job tony you broke bucky

 **Daddy Warbucks:** what are you talking about??

 **Marty McFly:** you can’t get him all excited to kill someone and then rip it from him

 **Daddy Warbucks:** smh

 **Marty McFly:** i hope your happy cuz now hes crying

 **Daddy Warbucks:** *you’re

 **Marty McFly:** shut up

 **Daddy Warbucks:** make me

 **Marty McFly:** i dont make garbage i throw it away

 **Knockoff Legolas:** oooo burn

 **America’s Ass:** all of you stop

 **Red Riding Hood:** so what are you just gonna let rumlow off the hook?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i never said anything about letting him off the hook but i’m going to need all of your help

 **Red Riding Hood:** I’m down to help

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Count me in

 **Marty McFly:** ig me and buck will help

 **Poptart King:** As will I and Bruce

 **Old Town Rhodes:** same here

 **America’s Ass:** you know im always down for some trouble

 **Daddy Warbucks:** excellent

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Rumlow won't know what hit him


	8. wow you are diabolical

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Monday November 23, 2018 2:19 P.M.

Daddy Warbucks: who’s ready to make Rumlow’s life a living hell??

Red Riding Hood: I am

America’s Ass: hell yeah!

Marty McFly: what do you have in mind

Daddy Warbucks: well i need you guys to bring some supplies to school tmr 

Red Riding Hood: just tell us what you need and we’ll get it

Daddy Warbucks: ok…

Daddy Warbucks: I need mentos and an ice tray

America’s Ass: i have both

Daddy Warbucks: clear glue and an empty hand sanitizer bottle

The Trash Slinging Smasher: i think i have those laying around

Daddy Warbucks: a box of crayons

The Trash Slinging Smasher: i have those too

Daddy Warbucks: and last but not least an audio recorder

Red Riding Hood: i’ve got one

Daddy Warbucks: of course you do 

hArmless: so what are we going to do with this crap

Daddy Warbucks: i am so glad you asked that Buckaroo

Daddy Warbucks: tomorrow at lunch rumlow will have his regular… diet coke from Mcdonalds

America’s Ass: why do you know that??

Daddy Warbucks: don’t worry about it sweet cheeks

Red Riding Hood: anyways… you were saying

Daddy Warbucks: I will cause a distraction while you nat slip in my homemade ice cubes into his drink

Red Riding Hood: why me 

Daddy Warbucks: cuz ur a freakin spy duh

hArmless: wait wait wait did you say “homemade ice cubes”?

Daddy Warbucks: i did

Daddy Warbucks: im going to make ice cubes with mentos in the middle

hArmless: why??

Daddy Warbucks: because of the structure of the Mentos, it allows carbon dioxide bubbles to form extremely rapidly

hArmless: again in english please

Daddy Warbucks: when the mentos dissolve in the diet coke it makes the drink go boom

hArmless: awesome

Daddy Warbucks: then sam will helpfully walk up to him with napkins and hand sanitizer

Marty McFly: why would i do that… doesnt that defeat the purpose

Daddy Warbucks: not exactly

Daddy Warbucks: im going to fill up a hand sanitizer bottle with clear glue… he will never know what hit him

The Trash Slinging Smasher: wow you are diabolical

Daddy Warbucks: wait im not done yet

Daddy Warbucks: before school starts i will plant the audio recorder in the janitors closet

hArmless: umm why

Daddy Warbucks: when rumlow and rollins have their little game of hanky panky we will have it all recorded

Knockoff Legolas: eww why would you want that

Daddy Warbucks: to play it over the schools intercoms of course

America’s Ass: evil evil evil

hArmless: remind me not to piss you off

Daddy Warbucks: duly noted

Daddy Warbucks: and just when rumlow thinks his day cant get any shittier we make it a little worse

Knockoff Legolas: how?

Daddy Warbucks: in the morning i will stick pieces of crayon in his windshield wipers and a few leaves across his windshield

Knockoff Legolas: okay?… 

Daddy Warbucks: as the day goes on the crayons will melt…

Daddy Warbucks: when schools over the crayons will be completely melted and rumlow will want the leaves off of his windshield so he will turn on his windshield wipers causing the melted crayons to smear all over his windshield

America’s Ass: and boom… payback

Daddy Warbucks: precisely

Knockoff Legolas: i dont think i have ever been this excited to go to school


	9. no one gets in between me and my tea

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Tuesday November 24, 2018 12:12 P.M. 

hArmless: i dont think i have ever enjoyed watching someone cry as much as i did watching rumlow

America’s Ass: you and me both 

Red Riding Hood: i cant believe he cried like a little bitch

Daddy Warbucks: you shouldve seen his face when the recording of him and rollins played over the intercoms

The Trash Slinging Smasher: i thought he was going to throw up tbh

Old Town Rhodes: when he heard it he looked like he’d seen a ghost

Knockoff Legolas: maybe it was the ghost of his dignity vanishing into thin air

Daddy Warbucks: wow clint that was deep

Red Riding Hood: dont mind him he just got out of creative writing class

Daddy Warbucks: that makes more sense 

Knockoff Legolas: hey im deep without that class

Red Riding Hood: the only thing your deep in is that freshmen’s ass

Knockoff Legolas: SHUT UP NAT!! 

Marty McFly: TEA???

Daddy Warbucks: eww did you say freshmen ass? 

Daddy Warbucks: thats like stachatory rape dude

Knockoff Legolas: im only 2 years older than him 

Marty McFly: well who is it??

Daddy Warbucks: I swear clinton if you are fucking peter parker i will kill you with my bare hands

Red Riding Hood: awe look at mama bear protecting his cub

Daddy Warbucks: shut up

Knockoff Legolas: no its not parker thats just weird

Daddy Warbucks: thank god

America’s Ass: why would it be werid?? Huhh? HUHH? 

America’s Ass: you’d be lucky to have peter

Red Riding Hood: and there’s papa bear

Daddy Warbucks: why am i the mama bear

America’s Ass: cuz you tiny and cute but will fight like a mom

Daddy Warbucks: i am not that tiny and i'm definitely not cute

America’s Ass: ur right ur not cute

America’s Ass: your adorable

Daddy Warbucks: am not

America’s Ass: are too

Daddy Warbucks: am not 

Marty McFly: HUSH CHILDREN!!!

Marty McFly: clint was about to tell us about his mans

hArmless: easy there tiger

Marty McFly: no one gets in between me and my tea

Marty McFly: anyways clint… please continue 

Knockoff Legolas: i don’t wanna

Marty McFly: CLINT

Red Riding Hood: do it or i will

Knockoff Legolas: fineeeee

Knockoff Legolas: its pietro maximoff

Daddy Warbucks: you mean speedy gonzales?

Knockoff Legolas: shut up stark

Daddy Warbucks: what? He’s fast isn’t he?

Knockoff Legolas: yeah …

Daddy Warbucks: lets just hope he’s not too fast if you know what i mean ;)

Knockoff Legolas: fuck off

Knockoff Legolas: plus you would know about being too fast

Daddy Warbucks: no i wouldnt actually…. me and steve take it nice and slow

America’s Ass: TONY!!

hArmless: i think i just threw up a little in my mouth

Marty McFly: Just a little??? I think i threw up a lot

Red Riding Hood: i just got the heebie jeebies tbh

Marty McFly: man i wish i was Men In Black

hArmless: umm why

Marty McFly: so i can use Neuralizer/ Flashy Thing and forget that this conversation ever happened  
hArmless: me and you both sammy 

Red Riding Hood: why does every conversation end with us being scarred by tony and steve

Old Town Rhodes: i wish i knew


	10. what? no… im just jammin

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Tuesday November 24, 2018 4:20 A.M.

The Trash Slinging Smasher: at first I was afraid, I was petrified kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

Daddy Warbucks: oh no brucie did you and thor break up

The Trash Slinging Slasher: what? No… im just jammin

Daddy Warbucks: well it that case

Daddy Warbucks: just a small town girl living in a lonely world she took the midnight train going anywhere

The Trash Slinging Smasher: just a city boy born and raised in South Detroit he took the midnight train going anywhere

Marty McFly: strangers waiting up and down the boulevard their shadows searching in the night streetlights people living just to find emotion hiding somewhere in the night

Daddy Warbucks: don't stop believin hold on to that feeling streetlights people Ohohohhhhhhhhhh  
hArmless: would you 3 shut up

hArmless: i have to get up in two hours 

Marty McFly: dont be such a buzzkill buck

Daddy Warbucks: wait wait wait i have the perfect song and if you can resist this buckaroo ill give you 20 bucks

hArmless: ur on

Daddy Warbucks: is this the real life? is this just fantasy?caught in a landslide no escape from reality

Marty McFly: open your eyes look up to the skies and see im just a poor boy i need no sympathy

The Trash Slinging Smasher: Because im easy come easy go little high little low any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me to me

America’s Ass: mama just killed a man put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he's dead

Knockoff Legolas: mama life had just begun but now ive gone and thrown it all away.

Poptart King: Mama ooh didn't mean to make you cry if I'm not back again this time tomorrow carry on carry on as if nothing really matters

Old Town Rhodes: too late my time has come sends shivers down my spine bodys aching all the time

Red Riding Hood: goodbye everybody ive got to go gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

hArmless: MAMA OHHHHH 

hArmless: I DONT WANNA DIE I SOMETIMES WISH ID NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALL 

Daddy Warbucks: ah ha! I got you bitch

hArmless: i couldnt resist bohemian rhapsody 

Daddy Warbucks: who can?? 

Marty McFly: you aint human if you can listen to bo rap and not sing

Knockoff Legolas: TRUTH

hArmless: bohemian rhapsody is the best song… dont @ me

Daddy Warbucks: anyone who @s you need to be locked away in a loony bin for the rest of their miserable lives

hArmless: Rest is Peace Freddie Mercury

Daddy Warbucks: long live the king

Marty McFly: man i wish he was still alive

hArmless: dont we all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me a song thats better than Bohemian Rhapsody... thats what i thought you can't.


	11. what? I love my cereal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something I saw on instagram

Wednesday November 25, 2018 11:32 P.M.

Daddy Warbucks: hey 

America’s Ass: hi

Daddy Warbucks: whatcha doin?

America’s Ass: laying in bed

Daddy Warbucks: hmm… just laying in bed? nothing else…?

America’s Ass: just eating cereal

Daddy Warbucks: what would you do if i was in bed next to you?😉

America’s Ass: eat my cereal

Daddy Warbucks: i mean if the cereal wasn’t there

America’s Ass: then i would get out of bed and go get some cereal

Daddy Warbucks: i hate you smh

America’s Ass: what? I love my cereal..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!
> 
> Should I include X-Men characters? (Magneto, Wolverine, Deadpool etc) Please comment what characters you would like to see make an appearance. Also if there is any characters from the MCU you would like me to incorporate just let me know and I'll make it happen... Don't be shy it is 99.99 % likely that I will include your suggestion.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> Icantswim


	12. but more importantly i got tea

The Meme Team-  
Members: It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Upper Crust, Minute Man, Witches Be Crazy

Friday November 26, 2018 

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: Happy late thanksgiving

Upper Crust: you too

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: but more importantly i got tea

Witches Be Crazy: spill bitch

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: i heard from a very reliable source that Pietro is dating Clint Barton

Minute Man: dude!

Witches Be Crazy: PIETRO DJANGO MAXIMOFF!

Minute Man: uh oh

Upper Crust: hahaha ur middle name is Django?? Thats priceless

Witches Be Crazy: You mean to tell me that my brother ( a freshman) is dating Clint Barton ( a senior)?????

Minute Man: its not that big of a deal… you know we’re supposed to be sophomores anyways

Witches Be Crazy: well dont come crying to me when he graduates and leaves ur ass for a collage man

Minute Man: whatever

Minute Man: who was this “reliable source” anyways

Upper Crust: his dads

Witches Be Crazy: huh?

Upper Crust: i mean steve and tony 

Upper Crust: theyre literally peters parents so

Witches Be Crazy: true

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: shut up

Minute Man: i was having a really fun day until this conversation

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: sorry to ruin it for you :'(

Witches Be Crazy: you were home all day how fun could it actually be?

Minute Man: i ran around the house with a cape on. I’m freakin batman 

Witches Be Crazy: uh where did you get a cape?

Minute Man:I think roleplaying helps alleviate my boredom. I feel so alive

Witches Be Crazy: WHERE DID YOU GET THE FREAKING CAPE?

Minute Man: I PULLED THE CURTAIN RAIL DOWN. JESUS CANT YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME?

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: man i wish i had a sibling to argue with

Witches Be Crazy: believe me no you dont

Upper Crust: ^^

Minute Man: aww come on wanda im not that bad

Upper Crust: maybe you should ask tony and steve to have another kid so you can have a sibling

Witches Be Crazy: good idea

It Is Wednesday My Dudes:shut up… i hate all of you assholes down to my very core

Minute Man: damn do you kiss your dads with that mouth?


	13. AUTHORS NOTE

Dear Readers,

I am so sorry to make this its own chapter but I'm afraid if I don't, it will go unread by some. I have decided to include characters from X-Men. I only decided to put in a few that I know a good bit about. This addition include Charles, Erik, Logan, and Wade Wilson (deadpool). I may or may not add others such as Raven or Hank. Also after a lot of heavy research and consideration I will be including the Quicksilver from the X-Men movies. I know I probably shouldn't but for the sake of this story I changed his history a but. His name is Peter Maximoff. He's cousins with Wanda and Pietro. Since I hardly talk about their 'alliances' I won't worry about him and Pietro both being called Quicksilver. If you have any problems with these changes just let me know.

One more thing. I was wondering if I should make this a little angsty or should I keep it strictly comical fluff.

Thanks! 

-Icantswim


	14. that was the worst one yet

The Walmart Greeters 

Members: Twinkle Toes, Square Up □ꜛ, Draxula, I AM GROOT, NotACricket, Metal Mouth, Trash Panda

Saturday November 27, 2018 2:32 P.M.

Twinkle Toes: i think im gonna drop out of school

Square Up □ꜛ: why?

Trash Panda: cuz he’s an idiot 

Twinkle Toes: shut up

Square Up □ꜛ: well if you dont have an education then how will you get a good job

Twinkle Toes: im going to be a comedian

Square Up □ꜛ: thats ridiculous Peter

Trash Panda: what are you gonna do? Show your face to the crowd and hope they laugh as much as i do when i see it

NotACricket: i think peter is quite funny

Trash Panda: yeah… funny looking

Twinkle Toes: i’m funnier than you will ever be 

Trash Panda: oh yeah? then tell me some jokes

Twinkle Toes: fine i will

Twinkle Toes: alright what do you call cheese thats not yours

Trash Panda: i dont know

Twinkle Toes: Nacho Cheese

Trash Panda: that was terrible

Twinkle Toes: fine how about this one

Twinkle Toes: so 2 windmills are standing in a wind farm one asks “whats your favorite type of music?” the other one answers “im a huge metal fan.”

Trash Panda: boooo you fucking suck quill

Metal Mouth: this is painful to watch

Twinkle Toes: alright alright i got one that will make you laugh

Twinkle Toes: what did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race?

Trash Panda: idk what

Twinkle Toes: wow i relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me

Square Up □ꜛ: that was the worst one yet

Trash Panda: eww what is that smell? It stinks 

Trash Panda: oh wait its just quill’s comedy 

Draxula: hahahaha 

I AM GROOT: i am groot 

NotACricket: that was very funny

Square Up □ꜛ: maybe rocket should be the comedian


	15. do not tell me to CaLm DoWn

Meme Team- Members: It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Upper Crust, Minute Man, Witches Be Crazy

Saturday November 27, 2018 9:12 P.M.

Upper Crust: PETER IS DATING WADE WILSON

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: thanks for that shuri

Witches Be Crazy: ouu a bad boy i see

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: shut up

Minute Man: good work peter wade is fucking hot

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: uh thanks

Upper Crust: im telling clint you said that

Minute Man: dont you fucking dare

Witches Be Crazy: i just cant believe that ur allowed to date someone like him

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: umm

Upper Crust: he hasnt told his aunt

Witches Be Crazy: that makes sense

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Saturday November 27, 2018 9:36 P.M.

Knockoff Legolas: okay so i have some news that some of you may not like

Red Riding Hood: you better not be transferring schools

Knockoff Legolas: its not news about me

Knockoff Legolas: i need you guys to promise not to kill the messenger

hArmless: we promise

Marty McFly: now tell us or ill kill you

Knockoff Legolas: so violent

Knockoff Legolas: somebody told me that peter parker is dating wade wilson

Red Riding Hood: why do we care?

Daddy Warbucks: FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

Knockoff Legolas: ^^ thats why

America’s Ass: WHO TOLD YOU THIS????

Knockoff Legolas: uh pietro

Daddy Warbucks: im gonna fucking kill him

Knockoff Legolas: wait dont hurt pietro hes just a messenger

Daddy Warbucks: i wasnt talking about pietro you dumbass

Daddy Warbucks: i was talking about fucking wade wilson

Old Town Rhodes: just calm down tones

Daddy Warbucks: do not tell me to CaLm DoWn

The Fam-

Members: Daddy Warbucks, America’s Ass, It Is Wednesday My Dudes Saturday

November 27, 2018 9:53 P.M.

Daddy Warbucks: PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: uh oh

Daddy Warbucks any reason you didnt tell us you were dating that HEATHEN???

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: i have no idea what you are talking about

America’s Ass: you know exactly what we’re talking about

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: dont worry about it guys ill be fine

Daddy Warbucks: your right you will be fine cuz you aren’t going to see that boy anymore

America’s Ass: ^^ It Is Wednesday My Dudes: you guys cant tell me what to do

Daddy Warbucks: well its either us or him It Is Wednesday

My Dudes: seriously? Your kidding right

Daddy Warbucks: im dead serious

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: im not choosing

Daddy Warbucks: fine… then we will

_Daddy Warbucks has left the chat_

_America’s Ass has left the chat_

Area 51- Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Saturday November 27, 2018 10:13 P.M.

America’s Ass: im gonna cut that fucking kids dick off

hArmless: u need to cool it down there dad of the year

America’s Ass: i cant

America’s Ass: Wade Wilson is a bad kid and hes gonna hurt peter

hArmless: when you started dating tony i said the exact same thing and you 2 seem to turn out good enough Daddy Warbucks: im not that bad

America’s Ass: this isnt the same

hArmless: ur right it isnt… tony was worse

Daddy Warbucks: i was not

America’s Ass: no he wasnt

hArmless: yes he was he always skipped class, got detention, and sometimes would show up to school drunk/ high. And not to be rude but he was a bit of a slut tbh

Daddy Warbucks: Touche

Daddy Warbucks: but i wasnt going to drag steve into any of that

hArmless: how was anyone supposed to know that

Daddy Warbucks: i dunno

hArmless: lets be honest peter and this wade kid are practically the steve and tony of the freshmen/ sophomores

Marty McFly: truth

Old Town Rhodes: he has a point

Daddy Warbucks: well heres the difference Daddy Warbucks: i actually loved steve… wade is just using him

Red Riding Hood: thats the exact same thing we said about you dude

Daddy Warbucks: ouch nat

Red Riding Hood: well its the truth

hArmless: we aren’t saying that you have to love the kid just give him the benefit of the doubt

America's Ass: ig we do that right tony?

Daddy Warbucks: i guess so

hArmless: thatta boys

Red Riding Hurt: thats the spirit

Meme Team-

Members: It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Upper Crust, Minute Man, Witches Be Crazy

Saturday November 27, 2018 10:28 P.M.

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: WHO THE FUCK TOLD STEVE AND TONY ABOUT ME AND WADE???

Witches Be Crazy: it wasn’t me

Upper Crust: i didnt tell anyone else besides this chat

Minute Man: i may have told clint It Is Wednesday

My Dudes: why the actual fuck would you do that??

Minute Man: i dunno

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: great cuz he told steve and tony

Upper Crust: so what?

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: they disowned me

Witches Be Crazy: wait what

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: they told me that i had to pick between him and them and i told them that i wouldn’t so they left our group chat

Minute Man: im so sorry peter i didnt think he would tell anyone

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: its alright ig they were going to find out eventually

Upper Crust: wait you 3 have a group chat?

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: yeah we used to it was called The Fam

Witches Be Crazy: aww thats so cute

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: well its not anymore since they both left it

Upper Crust: its gonna be okay pete im sure they’ll come around eventually

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: i doubt itarg

It Is Wednesday My Dudes: oops my tear sent that i meant *it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little angst...


	16. i’m throwing a christmas party

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Saturday November 27, 2018 10:09 P.M.

Daddy Warbucks: listen up bitches

Daddy Warbucks: i’m throwing a christmas party

Old Town Rhodes: per usual

Daddy Warbucks: unlike my previous parties this isn’t going to be a huge one

America’s Ass: thank god

Daddy Warbucks: good job steve you just ruined it… now im going to make a huge fucking party

America’s Ass: kill me now

Daddy Warbucks: okay i need ur guys help making an invite list

Knockoff Legolas: do we have to?

Daddy Warbucks: if you want to come to my party you do

Knockoff Legolas: ugh i hate you 

Daddy Warbucks: i know

Daddy Warbucks: now give me some names

Knockoff Legolas: Clint

Knockoff Legolas: see i gave you a name now im done

Daddy Warbucks: CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON GIVE ME NAMES

Knockoff Legolas: okay easy there killer

Knockoff Legolas: pietro

Daddy Warbucks: okay keep going

Knockoff Legolas: his sister wanda

Red Riding Hood: obviously carol and valkyrie

Daddy Warbucks: well duh

Trash Slinging Smasher: invite Stephen 

America’s Ass: great 😒

The Trash Slinging Smasher: whats that supposed to mean

Daddy Warbucks: dont mind him… he just hates stephen

The Trash Slinging Smasher: umm why

America’s Ass: he always flirts with tony 

Daddy Warbucks: he does not

America’s Ass: yea he does

Daddy Warbucks: does not

Red Riding Hood: i gotta agree with steve on this one

Knockoff Legolas: yeah same

Old Town Rhodes: me too

Daddy Warbucks: you too honey bear?

Old Town Rhodes: he tries to get me to set you guys up all the time

Daddy Warbucks: what do you mean “set up”

Old Town Rhodes: a couple of weeks ago he literally told me if i got him a date with you that he would pay me $100 

Daddy Warbucks: really?

Old Town Rhodes: yep

America’s Ass: i told you tony

The Trash Slinging Smasher: darn i really wanted to talk about science

Daddy Warbucks: i’ll still invite him

America’s Ass: still? even after this

Daddy Warbucks: what? I cant just not invite him because he has a crush on me

America’s Ass: yes you can

Daddy Warbucks: if i didn’t invite everyone who’s had a crush on me then i’d be the only one at the party

hArmless: i never had a crush on you

Daddy Warbucks: LIES!

Daddy Warbucks: 2nd grade

hArmless: tony just because i wouldnt let rumlow sit on your head doesnt mean i had a crush on you

Daddy Warbucks: riiiight

Old Town Rhodes: umm i never had a crush on you

Daddy Warbucks: true

Red Riding Hood: neither have I

The Trash Slinging Smasher: i haven’t

Poptart King: my affections have only ever been towards Bruce

Daddy Warbucks: true you have loved bruce since kindergarten

Marty McFly: well tbh when i first saw you on my first day of freshmen year i thought you were hot

Daddy Warbucks: see sam had a crush on me

Marty McFly: umm no i just had an appreciation for your face 

Daddy Warbucks: whatever

Daddy Warbucks: anyways… the invite list

Poptart King: May I extend the invitation to my dearest brother Loki?

Daddy Warbucks: sure big guy

Poptart King: Splendid

hArmless: we’re definitely inviting t’challa

Marty McFly: why definitely?

Daddy Warbucks: uh oh sammy's jealous

hArmless: cuz hes always invited to stark’s parties duh

Marty McFly: you lucky

Daddy Warbucks: anyways

Knockoff Legolas: why don’t we expand our horizon 

Daddy Warbucks: wym

Knockoff Legolas: the sophomores

Daddy Warbucks: like who?

Knockoff Legolas: quill

Knockoff Legolas: his girlfriend gamora

Red Riding Hood: just invite his entire crew

Daddy Warbucks: never say “crew” again

Red Riding Hood: sCREW you

Daddy Warbucks: rude

Knockoff Legolas: oooo invite scott and his girlfriend hope

Daddy Warbucks: great now im going to have the schools biggest 3 idiots

Knockoff Legolas: yeah… you you and you

Daddy Warbucks: fuck off

Red Riding Hood: well that just leaves the freshmen

Daddy Warbucks: ig we can invite shuri again 

Daddy Warbucks: and its already established that clint’s boy is coming and so is his sister 

Knockoff Legolas: oooo and his cousin peter

Daddy Warbucks: seriously another peter?

Red Riding Hood: speaking of peters

Daddy Warbucks: no he made his choice

Red Riding Hood: technically he didnt actually choose

America’s Ass: fine he’s invited

Daddy Warbucks: you dont get to say who gets to come cuz its my party

America’s Ass: im your fiance so yep i do

Daddy Warbucks: you cant just pull the fiance card every time i say no

America’s Ass: i can and i will

Red Riding Hood: and ur also going to invite wade 

Daddy Warbucks: hell no

Red Riding Hood: anthony 

Daddy Warbucks: fine

Red Riding Hood: good

Red Riding Hood: well since we’re on a roll of rekindling old friendships… youre gonna invite Erik and Charles

Daddy Warbucks: nope im stopping you right there 

Red Riding Hood: come on

Daddy Warbucks: no

Red Riding Hood: it happened 9 months ago

Daddy Warbucks: why are you keeping count?

Marty McFly: wait im so confused

Red Riding Hood: well tony and charles used to be really close but then they were assigned partners for a science project and it was chaotic to the least

Marty McFly: thats seriously why you arent friends any more

Daddy Warbucks: pretty much

Red Riding Hood: good so it settled charles and erik are invited

Daddy Warbucks: but nat

Red Riding Hood: no buts

Knockoff Legolas: ha you said butts

Daddy Warbucks: fine nat

Red Riding Hood: good

Red Riding Hood: and logan

Daddy Warbucks: we havent been friends since freshman year

Red Riding Hood: do it tony

Daddy Warbucks: okay is there anyone else

Red Riding Hood: im good

Old Town Rhodes: i think we got them all

Daddy Warbucks: im making the invitations now

Red Riding Hood: since when do you ever make invitations

Daddy Warbucks: since now


	17. i got lost

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes 

Monday November 29, 2018 7:19 A.M.

Marty McFly: SOS 

Marty McFly: I LOST BUCKY

Marty McFly: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Marty McFly: I REPEAT 

Marty McFly: THIS 

Marty McFly:IS 

Marty McFly: NOT 

Marty McFly: A 

Marty McFly: DRILL 

Daddy Warbucks: what do you mean you “lost bucky” 

Marty McFly: i had to stay behind after english class so i told buck to head to chem without me

Marty McFly: and when I showed up to chem he wasnt there 

Daddy Warbucks: how the fuck do you lose bucky??? hes literally 6’5 and like 200 lbs how could you possibly lose that 

America’s Ass: honestly it used to happen to me all the time 

Red Riding Hood: im by the gym so ill check there

Marty McFly: im gonna go back to coulsons room and see if he went back there 

America’s Ass: ill check his locker 

Daddy Warbucks: oh my god I found him

Marty McFly: WHERE??

Daddy Warbucks: uh he’s sitting on the floor in the middle of the hall 

America’s Ass: sitting on the floor?

Daddy Warbucks: yep 

hArmless: hey bitches im back 

Marty McFly: JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES 

hAmless: what up?

Marty McFly: why the hell weren’t you at chem???

hArmless: i got lost 

Daddy Warbucks: you mean to tell me that after 3 years you still get lost here?

hArmless: yup 

hArmless: I just follow sam where ever he goes since we have the same schedule every year 

America’s Ass: every year?

Marty McFly: so thats why you always were by me even before we started dating 

hArmless: pretty much 

Marty McFly: well that makes a lot more sense i thought you were stalking me

Daddy Warbucks: I still cant believe that you cant get around school by yourself 

hArmless: it is what it is


	18. over by the basketball rack

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes 

Monday November 29, 2018 12:19P.M

Daddy Warbucks: anybody else seeing this adonis in the gym 

Red Riding Hood: where

Knockoff Legolas: I dont see anyone 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: me neither 

Daddy Warbucks: over by the basketball rack

Daddy Warbucks: he’s blonde had a white shirt blue shorts 

Daddy Warbucks: oh wait… its just Steve 

Red Riding Hood: I hate you

Daddy Warbucks: I can’t help it… Steve’s really hot 

Daddy Warbucks: if your boyfriend was that hot you would be the exact same way 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: umm I have a hot boyfriend and I don’t act like that 

Marty McFly: same 

Daddy Warbucks: yeah but ur boyfriends aren’t as hot as mine 

Marty McFly: I beg to differ 

Daddy Warbucks: maybe you should try begging to agree… then you’d be right


	19. CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON IS A DEAD MAN

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes 

Tuesday November 30, 2018 7:07 A.M. 

Red Riding Hood: THATS IT

America’s Ass: what’s wrong 

Red Riding Hood: CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON IS A DEAD MAN 

America’s Ass: what did he do this time 

Red Riding Hood: he covered my entire locker in pictures of Nicholas Cage

Daddy Warbucks: that’s just fucked up man 

Red Riding Hood: I know right!!!

Red Riding Hood: I don’t know how much more of his shenanigans I can deal with 

Marty McFly: come on how bad can a couple of harmless pranks be?

Daddy Warbucks: aww Sammy doesnt know the history of Clint Bartons pranks

America’s Ass: shall we educate him?

Red Riding Hood: I think we shall 

America’s Ass: where to begin? 

America’s Ass: how about the time sophomore year when I made him mad and he threatened to “beat me with a small child” 

Red Riding Hood: or when he bought a chicken costume and went to KFC and screamed “MY BABIES!” 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: or the time we all got icecream and he asked the cashier if he believed in unicorns and then he squished his ice cream cone on his forehead 

Daddy Warbucks: or the time we went to ikea and he hid in a closet until someone walked by and then he jumped out and screamed “I’m back from Narnia” 

hArmless: how about the time he pretended to pass out and when some lady ran over to him and tried to touch him he screamed "I WAS SLEEPING!"

Old Town Rhodes: lets not forget the time he dressed in a MnM costume and ran through the hallways screaming “the skittles are coming!”

Americas Ass: does anyone else remember when he harassed Lang all last year and convinced him he was was crazy 

Red Riding Hood: oh my god I forgot about that 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: didn’t he tell Scott that he smelled different when he was awake 

America’s Ass: yep and clint also told him that math was almost as fun as watching him sleep 

Old Town Rhodes: then he asked Scott to stop him before he killed again 

Daddy Warbucks: don’t forget Clint told Scott that he would miss him when he was gone 

America’s Ass: yeah then the poor kid cried and asked me to protect him 

Marty McFly: how did I not know this?

Red Riding Hood: see he’s messed up

Marty McFly: uh yeah 

Knockoff Legolas: man Im fucking awesome


	20. screw this conversation I’m outtie

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Tuesday November 30, 2018 4:39 A.M. 

Daddy Warbucks: guys

Red Riding Hood: what 

Daddy Warbucks: I need to tell you guys something really important 

Knockoff Legolas: what’s going on? Ur kinda scaring me

Old Town Rhodes: umm same 

Daddy Warbucks: plz don’t be mad cuz I’m already scared 

Red Riding Hood: just tell us

Daddy Warbucks: I’m pregnant 

Old Town Rhodes: I hate you 

Knockoff Legolas: fuck you tony you scared me 

America’s Ass: for a second I was panicking but then I was like wait that can’t happen 

hArmless: wow stevie ur a moron 

Red Riding Hood: darn peter would’ve been excited to have a little brother or sister 

Daddy Warbucks: ….

Red Riding Hood: too soon?

Poptart King: Congratulations dearest Anthony and Steven! 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: Thor he was joking… he can’t actually get pregnant 

Poptart King: And why not? 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: because tony is a guy 

Poptart King: Okay and?

The Trash Slinging Smasher: and Steve’s a guy …

Poptart King: I am still not following. 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: Two men can’t get pregnant. It just can’t work. 

Poptart King: Then why must I wear those blue rubbery things when we have intercourse? 

Red Riding Hood: screw this conversation I’m outtie 

Knockoff Legolas: oh boy

Marty McFly: oooo I’ll tell him 

hArmless: why the fuck did you volunteer yourself 

The Trash Slinging Smasher: uh go for it 

Marty McFly: you have to wear that rubber thing cuz it’s your shield 

Poptart King: My Shield? What does it shield me from?

Marty McFly: It shields god from seeing you fucking a dude 

Poptart King: Why would we need to shield that from god? 

Marty McFly: so we can go to heaven… duh 

America’s Ass: Sam…

hArmless: uh oh that’s the “ I’m a disappointed dad” tone 

Marty McFly: sorry sorry I know not nice 

Marty McFly: dont panic my gay pals god loves you even if you don’t wear a condom 

Knockoff Legolas: oh thank god


	21. hahaha LOSER

The Walmart Greeters

Members: Twinkle Toes, Square Up □ꜛ, Draxula, I AM GROOT, NotACricket, Metal Mouth, Trash Panda

Tuesday November 30, 2018 3:19 P.M.

**Trash Panda:** who else got an invitation in the mail to Stark’s party

 **Draxula:** i did

 **NotACricket:** me too

 **Metal Mouth:** one came for both me and gamora

 **Twinkle Toes:** am i the only one who didnt get one

 **Trash Panda:** hahaha LOSER

 **Square Up □ꜛ** : dont worry peter you can be my plus one

 **Twinkle Toes:** thanks

 **Trash Panda:** well i guess that means ill have to make some of my jingle juice

 **Twinkle Toes:** that sounds nasty

 **Trash Panda:** yeah well you look nasty

 **Twinkle Toes:** asshole

 **Trash Panda:** fuckface

 **Square Up □ꜛ:** i know its hard for you guys but play nice

 **Square Up □ꜛ** : anyways… what is this “jingle juice”

 **Trash Panda:** its a cocktail of citrus juice, captain morgan, grand marnier, amaretto, and sparkling water

 **Square Up □ꜛ:** well that sounds exiting

 **Twinkle Toes:** sounds gross

 **Trash Panda:** ive had it

 **Trash Panda:** im gonna hurt ya real bad quill so watch your back

 **Twinkle Toes:** oooo im so scared

 **I AM GROOT:** i am groot 

**Trash Panda:** thanks buddy

 **Twinkle Toes:** fuck you groot we’re supposed to be friends

 **Trash Panda:** listen hear you little shit you can insult me, you can insult my jingle juice, but dont ever even think about insulting groot so tell me dickhead how is it you wanna die?

 **Twinkle Toes:** i aint afraid of you

 **Trash Panda:** you should be afraid.. very afraid


	22. ill strangle you

Meme Team-

Members: It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Upper Crust, Minute Man, Witches Be Crazy

Tuesday November 30, 2018 3:47 P.M.

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** GUYS!

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** GUESS WHAT?

 **Upper Crust:** what up

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** i got an invite to tonys christmas party

 **Witches Be Crazy:** the fam is getting back together!

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** thats not even the best part

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** he told me to bring wade

 **Upper Crust:** really? Aww you guys are making up

 **Minute Man:** well just tell wade to be on his best behavior and everything should be fine

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** he always behaves

 **Upper Crust:** hahaha

 **Minute Man:** thats a good one

 **Upper Crust:** he never behaves

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** alright fine ill keep him on a tight leash

 **Minute Man:** kinky

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** eww stop

 **Upper Crust:** i can practically feel the blush radiating through my screen

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** shut up

 **Minute Man:** aww peters a blushing virgin

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** shut up pietro ur a virgin too

 **Minute Man:** no im not

 **Witches Be Crazy:** liar

 **Minute Man:** how do you know

 **Witches Be Crazy:** cuz if that happened id be the first to know

 **Minute Man:** ig you do have a point

 **Witches Be Crazy:** of course i do i always have a point

 **Minute Man:** easy there you over achiever 

**Witches Be Crazy:** ill strangle you

 **Minute Man:** so violent

 **Witches Be Crazy:** always


	23. just cuz you cant die doesnt mean i wont hesitate to kill you

The Abusement Park-

Members: Wolfie, Fridge Magnet, Psycho Psychic, Chimichanga Addict

Tuesday November 30, 2018 4:01 P.M.

**Wolfie:** alright im slightly concerned

 **Wolfie:** i just got an invite to starks christmas party

 **Fridge Magnet:** same

 **Wolfie:** its probably just a gag or something

 **Chimichanga Addict:** i dont think so cuz peter and his friends all got an invitation

 **Wolfie:** did you?

 **Chimichanga Addict:** well stark extended the invite to me so kinda

 **Wolfie:** thats weird

 **Psycho Psychic** : it doesnt matter cuz we’re not going

 **Fridge Magnet:** why not

 **Psycho Psychic:** you know exactly why

 **Fridge Magnet:** aww come on that was forever ago

 **Psycho Psychic:** so?

 **Fridge Magnet:** so stop holding a grudge

 **Fridge Magnet:** you and tony used to be great friends

 **Psycho Psychic:** no

 **Fridge Magnet:** fine then you petty bitch im going without you 

**Psycho Psychic:** you wouldnt

 **Fridge Magnet:** bet

 **Psycho Psychic:** why do you hate me

 **Fridge Magnet:** cuz you make it easy

 **Psycho Psychic:** wow rude

 **Fridge Magnet:** well love hurts so get used to it

 **Chimichanga Addict:** well im going with or without you guys so

 **Wolfie:** same

 **Psycho Psychic:** fine i’ll go

 **Fridge Magnet:** thank you

 **Psycho Psychic:** but i refuse to speak to tony

 **Fridge Magnet:** Charles

 **Psycho Psychic:** what?

 **Fridge Magnet:** you have to be nice

 **Psycho Psychic:** fine… i’ll try

 **Fridge Magnet:** thank you

 **Psycho Psychic:** mhm

 **Wolfie:** if there was one thing i missed about tony stark it would have to be his parties

 **Wolfies:** they never fail to disappoint

 **Chimichanga Addict:** which is something you cant say about yourself

 **Wolfie:** just cuz you cant die doesnt mean i wont hesitate to kill you

 **Chimichanga Addict:** oooo someones a fiesty doggy


	24. oh so now youre defending him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this is quite sad. Just thought I'd put that out there. Warnings of sad bros and jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Wowzer long time no see huh? Sorry about that but highschool can be a real bitch so I haven't really had to time to write... But here you go.

Area 51-  
Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Wednesday December 1, 2018 9:19 P.M.

 **Old Town Rhodes:** im wheezing

 **Red Riding Hood:** why?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** shut up rhodey

 **Knockoff Legolas:** well now i definitely wanna know

 **Old Town Rhodes:** it was pretty funny not gonna lie

 **Marty McFly:** TELL US

 **Old Town Rhodes:** okay...

 **Old Town Rhodes:** so before first period me and tony were standing by his locker

 **Daddy Warbucks:** please stop

 **Old Town Rhodes:** and strange came up handed tony roses and kissed him then ran away

 **America's Ass:** EXCUSE ME? 

**Daddy Warbucks:** good going Rhodey

 **America's Ass:** is strange suicidal??? cuz apparently he wants to die

 **Knockoff Legolas:** hahah i can see it now... headlines read- Local teen murders his fiance's secret lover

 **Daddy Warbucks:** STFU BARTON

 **America's Ass:** make sure to visit me in prison guys cuz im gonna strangle strange

 **Daddy Warbucks:** calm down steve its not that big of a deal

 **America's Ass:** Not that big of deal???

 **America's Ass:** what if sharon came up and kissed me? huh?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** id slap that bitch into next tuesday

 **America's Ass:** see?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** its hardly the same thing

 **America's Ass:** how

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well that bitch is ur ex and she's been trying to sabotage our relationship before we even started dating

 **Daddy Warbucks:** poor little stephen has a small crush on me and for some reason thought he had a chance

 **America's Ass:** oh so now youre defending him?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** no... but he doesnt need to get freaking body slammed by a freaking super soldier

 **America's Ass:** well its not like he'd be going in blind.. he has his powers

 **Daddy Warbucks:** no he doesn't the same lady or whatever that gave him his powers took em back until he learns how to use them the right way or something like that

 **America's Ass:** and how do you know this

 **Daddy Warbucks:** cuz he told me

 **America's Ass:** of course he did

 **Daddy Warbucks:** whats that supposed to mean

 **Old Town Rhodes:** sorry steve and tones i didnt mean for an argument to start i just thought it was funny

 **America's Ass:** dont apologize rhodey.. im glad someone told me since tony didnt

 **Daddy Warbucks:** thats it im not fighting with you on here anymore im going to our private conversation

 **Knockoff Legolas:** uh oh its getting serious

_Daddy Warbucks to America's Ass_

Wednesday November 29, 2018 9:55 P.M.

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i dont get why this is such a big deal he literally pecked my lips and ran away

 **America's Ass:** he kissed you on the mouth?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** id hardly call it a kiss

 **America's Ass:** your lips touched his didnt they?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** barely

 **America's Ass:** thats not the point

 **Daddy Warbucks:** then what is your point

 **America's Ass:** my point is that someone touched what is mine and believe or not i dont like sharing

 **Daddy Warbucks:** your treating me like im a freaking object

 **Daddy Warbucks:** and you dont own me

 **America's Ass:** i never said i owned you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you said i was yours

 **America's Ass:** cuz you are

 **America's Ass:** arent you?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** no... i dont have a freaking owner

 **America's Ass:** that not what i meant

 **America's Ass:** it kinda hurts that you dont think your mine... cuz i sure as hell know im yours

 **Daddy Warbucks:** shut up

 **America's Ass:** what?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you cant freaking do that

 **America's Ass:** do what?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** pull that shit

 **America's Ass:** pull what shit

 **Daddy Warbucks:** the whole "im hurt that i dont own you cuz you sure as hell own me"

 **America's Ass:** i dont want to own you and i dont want you to own me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well thats what you said

 **America's Ass:** you are still missing the point

 **Daddy Warbucks:** then explain your point better

 **America's Ass:** you know how i asked you what you would you do if sharon kissed me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** yeah...

 **America's Ass:** and what did you say

 **Daddy Warbucks:** that id slap that bitch into next tuesday

 **America's Ass:** why

 **Daddy Warbucks:** what do you mean "why"?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** cuz youre the fucking love of my life you dickhead

 **America's Ass:** and as the love of your life im gonna kick anyones ass who tries to steal the love of my life

 **Daddy Warbucks:** aww im the love of your life?

 **America's Ass:** well duh

 **Daddy Warbucks:** as cute as that little speech was you still cant kick stephen's ass

 **America's Ass:** and why not

 **Daddy Warbucks:** cuz the poor kid is probably in love with me and it probably took a lot of courage to do what he did and if you try to kick his ass he'll be mortified for life

 **America's Ass:** well if i dont teach him a lesson to keep his hands off of you then he'll do it again

 **Daddy Warbucks:** no he wont

 **America's Ass:** well whats stopping him

 **America's Ass:** it certainly isnt you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you think i wanted him to kiss me?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** cuz im just a little whore who's begging for any guys attention even though i have fucking adonis for a fiance

 **Daddy Warbucks:** is that what you think

 **America's Ass:** i never said that

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well you want to know something

 **Daddy Warbucks:** it felt so nice when he gave me those flowers

 **Daddy Warbucks:** for once someone actually made me feel loved

 **America's Ass:** well im sorry you dont think i love you

 **America's Ass:** because i loved you before i even knew i liked guys

 **America's Ass:** i loved you even when i hated you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well you never show it

 **America's Ass:** im really glad the coffee i bring you every single morning is absolutely nothing to you

 **America's Ass:** or the sweatshirts i let you wear cuz youre always fucking cold even if that means im shivering

 **Daddy Warbucks:** thats just basic boyfriend things your supposed to do

 **America's Ass:** do normal boyfriends drive 30 minutes to your house cuz your having an anxiety attack and climb though your 2nd story window cuz your parents wont let me in?

 **America's Ass:** do normal boyfriends sprint 14 miles to the nearest 7/11 cuz you were craving a slushie?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** come on.. you jog 15 miles every morning anyways

 **America's Ass:** your such an asshole you know that

 **America's Ass:** I bend over backwards every single day for you and you dont give a shit

 **Daddy Warbucks:** wow you really have a great way of treating the "love of your life"

 **America's Ass:** yeah i could say the same thing about you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well maybe you arent the love of my life after all

 **America's Ass:** you dont mean that tony

 **Daddy Warbucks:** dont tell me what i mean

 **America's Ass:** are you breaking up with me?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i think i might be

 **America's Ass:** oh my god im think im going to be sick

 **Daddy Warbucks:** dont be so dramtic

 **Daddy Warbucks:** steve?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** are you okay

 **Daddy Warbucks:** youre scaring me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** baby please answer me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** FUCKING ANSWER ME STEVE

 **America's Ass:** sorry i had to puke

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you actually threw up

 **America's Ass:** uh yeah

 **Daddy Warbucks:** your so fucking dramatic

 **America's Ass:** sorry when im about to lose the only thing i live for it kind makes my stomach turn

 **Daddy Warbucks:** im not the only thing you live for

 **America's Ass:** yeah you are

 **Daddy Warbucks:** what about bucky? sam? the rest of the team

 **America's Ass:** as much as i love them i could never leave you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** oh my god

 **America's Ass:** what?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i almost just lost you i am so fucked up

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i almost lost you steve oh my god

 **Daddy Warbucks:** oh my god steve please tell i havent lost you already

 **Daddy Warbucks:** oh my god i lost you i lost my other half

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i cant fucking breathe

 **America's Ass:** Tony?

 **America's Ass:** its okay tony just breathe

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i cant

 **America's Ass:** please try

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i cant because i just lost the only reason i want to breathe

 **America's Ass:** tony please just calm down just breathe for me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** im trying

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i cant lose you steve im so sorry please forgive me i dont think i can live without you

 **America's Ass:** you havent lost me baby i promise

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i just called you a horrible boyfriend and you arent mad?

 **America's Ass:** im not mad just really upset that you dont think that everything i do isnt for you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** it is?

 **America's Ass:** yeah

 **America's Ass:** like the other day they were searching lockers and i knew you had at least 2 bottles of liquor in there so i grabbed them and shoved them down my pants

 **America's Ass:** i got weird looks but no one caught me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i cant believe you risked getting caught with alcohol for me

 **America's Ass:** literally the only reason i take physics is so i can at least understand some of the stuff you talk about

 **America's Ass:** even if it took the place of the pottery class i wanted to take

 **Daddy Warbucks:** oh my god i cant believe you did that

 **America's Ass:** and instead of trying to take that pottery class next semester im taking a home ec

 **Daddy Warbucks:** whats home ec?

 **America's Ass:** it teaches you have to cook, clean, sew, and take care of a baby

 **Daddy Warbucks:** but why

 **America's Ass:** cuz i know you cant do any of that stuff so i figured one of us has to know how to do that stuff when we move in together

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i am so sorry steve i had no idea that you were sacrificing things for my benefit

 **Daddy Warbucks:** and i do appreciate the coffee and your sweatshirts everyday i only said that cuz i was mad at you

 **America's Ass:** its okay im sorry for calling you an asshole and making you feel like i was calling you a whore

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i am an asshole and if i didnt love you so much i probably would be a whore

 **America's Ass:** shut up tony

 **America's Ass:** dont talk about yourself like that

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well its true

 **America's Ass:** i dont think you'd be a whore if we werent together

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you have no idea

 **America's Ass:** wym

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you remember the night we first had sex i asked you ur body count

 **America's Ass:** yeah and i told you that you were my first and then i asked you your body count

 **Daddy Warbucks:** but i never answered i just kissed you instead

 **America's Ass:** yeah

 **Daddy Warbucks:** there was a reason why i didnt answer

 **America's Ass:** i probably dont want to know that reason do i

 **Daddy Warbucks:** probably not but im gonna tell you anyways

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ive slept with 14 people and that just the ones i remember

 **America's Ass:** oh um well why didnt you tell me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** would you have still slept with me if i did tell you

 **America's Ass:** probably not

 **Daddy Warbucks:** exactly

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well now you know what a slut i am

 **America's Ass:** wow i dont even know what to say tony

 **Daddy Warbucks:** you dont have to say anything

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i get that its a lot to take in

 **America's Ass:** can i ask you something

 **Daddy Warbucks:** of course

 **America's Ass:** did you sleep with any of those 14 people while we were together

 **Daddy Warbucks:** absolutely not

 **America's Ass:** i figured you would say that and thats all that matters

 **America's Ass:** tony?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** yeah stevie

 **America's Ass:** can we just forget this conversation ever happened

 **Daddy Warbucks:** thank god you said that cuz i dont know if i could go do anything without you

 **America's Ass:** im so sorry baby

 **Daddy Warbucks:** so am i

 **America's Ass:** i love you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i love you too

 **Daddy Warbucks:** wow that was super cheesy

 **America's Ass:** ehh id rather be cheesy than nothing at all

 **Daddy Warbucks:** aww

 **Daddy Warbucks:** can you come over? howard and maria are gone

 **America's Ass:** im on my way

* * *

Okay so I'm gonna write a little fluff that's not text messaging to make up for this overly angsty chapter. If you aren't interested you don't have to read it really won't affect anything. But I need some fluff to brighten my mood

* * *

As soon as Steve texted Tony "im on my way" he quickly ran to his bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. Saying he looked rough was an understatement. His hair was sticking out every which way from him running his hands through it over and over again. His pale cheeks were flushed a deep crimson and tear stained. Not to mention his eyes were still watery and quite puffy.

He splashed some cold water over his face to help but it didn't do a lot. At least the tear stains were gone. He quickly combed his hair back with his fingers, not really caring how it actually looked. He knew he was probably going to spend the night over at Tony's so he decided to throw on a pair of oversized sweatpants and a NASA sweatshirt that Tony had bought for himself but gave it Steve because it was too big. Not caring about grabbing a extra change of clothes or a toothbrush, Steve threw on a pair of shoes and ran out the door.

Steve sped down the roads to Tony's house. Blowing past stop signs and running red lights, Steve made the 20 minute drive to Tony's house in under 10. He finally pulled into the long driveway and immediately stopped the car. Since he never bothered putting on seat belt he hopped out of car slammed the door and ran to Tony's front door.

Before he could even get to the door it flung open and stood a weeping Tony. As Steve went to say something, Tony cut him off ,"Baby!" he cried as he jumped up into Steve's arms. Tony wrapped his legs around Steve's waist and his arms around his neck as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Steve's neck and began to cry. Steve grabbed a hold of Tony's waist a bit tighter as he walked them into the house.

"Please don't cry sweetheart, I'm here." Steve said as he walked them over to the couch. He sat down on the couch with Tony now in his lap. "Shh, I'm right here Tony, I ain't going nowhere." Steve reassured Tony as he rubbed circles into Tony's back. Tony lifted his head from Steve and looked into the blonde's eyes. Steve didn't like what he saw. Correction he hated what he saw. Tony looked as bad if not worse than what Steve had looked like before he left his house. Steve hated that he caused that.

"I'm a fucking terrible person." Steve said as he brought his hand up to wipe Tony's tears away."No you aren't, you're the best." Tony said with a few cracks in his voice as he grabbed the hand that was wiping his tears away."I made you cry." Steve whispered"Good, I deserved it." Tony replied as he leaned to rest head on Steve's shoulder. "You deserve a lot of things Tony," Steve announced as he ran his fingers through Tony's hair, "But grief isn't one of them."

Not long after that Tony fell asleep on Steve's shoulder, so Steve carried Tony up to his room and laid him on his bed. Steve tucked the blankets around him and kissed his head, careful not wake him. As he turned to leave he felt a hand grab into the waistband of his pants, pulling him back towards the bed.

"Don't you fucking leave me Rogers." Tony commanded angrily. "Sorry, I didn't know if you wanted me to stay or not." Steve said as he turned around to face Tony. "I always want you to stay." Tony replied as he grabbed Steve's hand, and gently tugged him towards the bed. Steve obliged and walked over to Tony. Tony scooted over to the other side of the bed as Steve climbed under the blankets. Tony wasted no time scooting back over to be right next to Steve.

Steve gathered his fiance in his arms and sighed as he rested his head on top of Tony's. "Move in with me." Steve said lazily as he began to play with the little curls on the top of Tony's head. "Can't." Tony muffled, "Howard would kill me." Steve sighed again and Tony just shrugged his shoulders. They sat in silence for a few minutes and Steve was drifting off when Tony said " I know you're mad, but you still can't kick Stephen's ass." "I know." is all that Steve said before closed his eyes again. "But, I'll yell at him. I'll tell him that I'm not available nor interested. That my everything belongs to you." "Sounds good to me." Steve said softly, "Sounds good to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I told you it was sad boi hours in this establishment. Sorry not sorry.


	25. okay then you nematode why dont you tell us what happened

Area 51- Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas,Red Riding Hood, Poptart King,The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Thursday December 2, 2018 7:07 A.M

**Red Riding Hood:** oh my god clint just got hit by a car hahahaha

 **America's Ass:** omg clint r u okay?

 **Knockoff Legolas:** ehh im fine

 **America's Ass:** well thats a relief

 **Knockoff Legolas:** there is a hole in my stomach tho

 **America's Ass:** wait what?

 **Knockoff Legolas:** yeah its no bigger than a quarter towards the bottom of my stomach

 **America's Ass:** oh my god

 **Red Riding Hood:** dont listen to him he's high as a kite from the anesthetics

 **Knockoff Legolas:** nuh uh

 **Red Riding Hood:** shut up its literally ur belly button

 **Knockoff Legolas:** what da fuck is a belly button

 **Red Riding Hood:** its too damn early for your shit clint

 **Daddy Warbucks:** just out of curiosity... how did clint even get hit by a car

 **Red Riding Hood:** i may or may not have threw his phone into the street and then dared him to get it with on coming traffic

 **America's Ass:** Nat!!!

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ahahahah

 **Knockoff Legolas:** whoa whoa whoa wait a minute thats not what happened

 **Knockoff Legolas:** im not that dumb

 **Red Riding Hood:** okay then you nematode why dont you tell us what happened

 **Knockoff Legolas:** so me and nat were walking to school and morgan freeman was in the middle of the road and a big double decker bus was coming so i pushed him out of the way and got hit by bowser who tried to eat me but he couldnt so he sent me to egypt with santa claus

 **Old Town Rhodes:** what the hell?

 **Marty McFly:** what the flying fuck did i just read

 **Knockoff Legolas:** the truth

 **Knockoff Legolas:** You cant handle the truth

 **hArmless:** wut r u bipolar or something

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Show me the money!!!

 **Red Riding Hood:** dont mind him... he recites his favorite lines from movies when he's high

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Nobody puts Baby in a corner

 **hArmless:** of course he does

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Toto I dont think we're in Kansas anymore

 **Daddy Warbucks:** okay clint no more

 **Knockoff Legolas:** hasta la vista baby

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i mean it clint cut it out

 **Knockoff Legolas:** here's johnny!

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ill kill you katniss

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape

 **Daddy Warbucks:** ugh

 **Knockoff Legolas:** say hello to my little friend

 **Daddy Warbucks:** im going to have a mental breakdown barton

 **Knockoff Legolas:** are you crying? there's no crying in baseball

 **Knockoff Legolas:** Houston, we have a problem

 **Daddy Warbucks:** thats it i give up

 **Knockoff Legolas:** alright alright alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there peeps! I have a little game to play. Whoever can guess all the movies that Clint quoted first will get a big shout out in the next chapter and will also have the option of deciding what happens in a future chapter. Have fun readers!!!


	26. AUTHORS NOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh sorry if you were expecting an update... im working on one right now. Sorry to disappoint

Okay... as promised the first person to comment all of the movies from which I got the movie quotes from would get a special prize. But since two people worked together to get 11 there are 2 winners. So congratulations to both _summer_borngirl77_ and _DevonShea_ you two are the winners! You each can request what happens in your own chapter if you choose. So let me know what you would like to happen and I'll do my best to incorporate it into a future chapter.

Let me know if I should do more of these little games. I love doing these little scavenger hunt type things. 

-icantswim


	27. Hahaha that’s what she said

The Meme Team- Members: It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Upper Crust, Minute Man, Witches Be Crazy

Friday December 3, 2018 6:26 P.M

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** guys im renting the first 3 star wars movies who wants to come over

**Upper Crust:** i'll be over in 10 mins

**Witches Be Crazy:** same ^^

**Minute Man:** star wars is so nerdy

**Witches Be Crazy:** dude big bet if someone pantsed you right now you'd have star wars underwear on

**Minute Man:** actually they're star trek thank you very much

**Witches Be Crazy:** you literally sleep with a stuffed R2D2 every night 

**Minute Man:** WANDA! Thats confidential information

**Witches Be Crazy:** sorry bro

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** so petro should i count you out

**Minute Man:** uhh no im still coming

**Witches Be Crazy:** hahaha thats what she said

**Upper Crust:** wanda ur so juvenile 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** for dinner I can either order pizza or make updog

**Minute Man:** what's updog?

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** nothing much man how about you 

**Minute Man:** Peter i literally hate you and i hope you die a slow and excruciatingly painful death in the very near future

**Upper Crust:** just order the pizza you idiot

**Witches Be Crazy:** yeah... im Hungary

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** maybe you should Czech your fridge 

**Witches Be Crazy:** im Russian to the kitchen!!!

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** is there any Turkey?

**Witches Be Crazy:** yeah but its covered in a layer of Greece

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** there's Norway you can eat that

**Upper Crust:** you guys are so weird

**Minute Man:** plz stop

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** but i dont wanna Finnish

**Witches Be Crazy:** me neither i was Havana good time :(

**Minute Man:** shut up

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** okay okay im done

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** so what kind of pizza should i order?

**Minute Man:** hawaiian

**Upper Crust:** OBJECTION!

**Upper Crust:** i hate pineapple pizza

**Minute Man:** Objection Denied!

**Upper Crust:** Your denial of my objection has been overruled

**Minute Man:** your overruling of my objection of your objection has been eaten by godzilla

**Upper Crust:** well played

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** so im just gonna order pepperoni 


	28. challenge accepted

Area 51 

Friday December 3, 2018 9:31 P.M

Knockoff Legolas: tony 

Daddy Warbucks: what do you want Robin Hood 

Knockoff Legolas: I want you to have a karaoke machine at ur Christmas party

Daddy Warbucks: no

Knockoff Legolas: why not

Daddy Warbucks: will you be using this karaoke machine 

Knockoff Legolas: well duh 

Daddy Warbucks: that’s why I’m not getting one 

America’s Ass: come on tones 

Knockoff Legolas: yeah come on tones

Daddy Warbucks: not happening 

America’s Ass: don’t worry Clint I’ll rent one

Knockoff Legolas: thanks Steve ur the best 

Daddy Warbucks: Steven Grant Rogers you will not bring that torture device into my household

America Ass: watch me 

Daddy Warbucks: is that a challenge 

America’s Ass: could be

Daddy Warbucks: challenge accepted

Red Riding Hood: ahahah

Daddy Warbucks: what’s so funny 

Red Riding Hood: I just remembered that time in like 5th grade when u 2 had a fist fight over a piece of chalk during recess

hArmless: that was the best

Daddy Warbucks: he had the only piece of chalk and I needed it to draw out plans for my circuit board 

America’s Ass: I was trying to doodle 

hArmless: after that little scrap they’ve been in love ever since 

Daddy Warbucks: aww you loved me since the 5th grade?

hArmless: well he actually loved since the second grade 

America’s Ass: shut up buck 

Daddy Warbucks: aww steve that’s so cute 

Old Town Rhodes: I don’t know what ur talking about tones… you’ve been infatuated with Steve since first grade 

Daddy Warbucks: TRADER

Old Town Rhodes: ever since you two first met I knew one of two things was gonna happen 

Daddy Warbucks: which are?

Old Town Rhodes: either you 2 we’re gonna get married or Steve would put a restraining order on yo ass 

Daddy Warbucks: shut up 

America’s Ass: the second one might happen

Daddy Warbucks: whoa asshole not cool

Knockoff Legolas: anyways for the karaoke machine i was thinking you could rent one of those really cool ones that cost like 60 bucks an hour to rent

America’s Ass: dude im literally broke i cant afford that 

Knockoff Legolas: first of all dont “dude” me second of all ur engaged to the heir of stark industries just get money from him

Daddy Warbucks: for the last time we are not getting a karaoke machine 

America’s Ass: dont worry clint i can shovel some extra drive ways and get money for it

Knockoff Legolas: YES!!! 

Daddy Warbucks: you hate the cold 

America’s Ass: well i make compromises for the people i love

Knockoff Legolas: oh my god cap loves me 

Daddy Warbucks: you are not shoveling drive ways for a stupid karaoke machine

America’s Ass: well thats the only way i can afford it

Daddy Warbucks: oh my god fineeeeee

America’s Ass: what?

Daddy Warbucks: i’ll buy it geez

America’s Ass: cool thanks tones 

Daddy Warbucks: but its under one condition

America’s Ass: oh no

Daddy Warbucks: you have to call me your sugar daddy for the rest of the year

America’s Ass: uhh not gonna happen Hugh Hefner 

Knockoff Legolas: please steve

Daddy Warbucks: yeah steve please

Red Riding Hood: this is hilarious 

hArmless: its nasty 

America’s Ass: ugh fine 

Daddy Warbucks: ooo look at this karaoke machine for 500 dollars an hour 

Knockoff Legolas: get it get it get it get it get it

Daddy Warbucks: no problem clint but i need something from steve first

America’s Ass: i hate you 

America’s Ass: please get the karaoke machine 

Daddy Warbucks: im waiting 

America’s Ass: please get the karaoke machine sugar daddy

Daddy Warbucks: of course sugar baby

Marty McFly: this is just wrong 

hArmless: so wrong 

Marty McFly: dont mind me but im puking a lil I’m 


	29. why do I date such morons

_ Psycho Psychic to Fridge Magnet  _

Saturday December 4, 2018 7:46 A.M.

Psycho Psychic: wake up fucker ill be at ur at your house in 20

Fridge Magnet: bitch whyyyy

Psycho Psychic: um cuz we’re going shopping 

Fridge Magnet: shopping for what

Psycho Psychic: for starks party 

Fridge Magnet: you mean the one thats tonight?

Psycho Psychic: nah the one that was last week

Psycho Psychic: yes the one thats tonight dummy

Fridge Magnet: okay no need for the shade 

Psycho Psychic: you know i cant help it im like a freaking palm tree 

Fridge Magnet: how is a palm tree relevant in this conversation?

Psycho Psychic: you said that I was giving shade 

Fridge Magnet: okay? 

Psycho Psychic: and palm trees have big leaves 

Fridge Magnet: alright 

Psycho Psychic: and those leaves give off shade 

Psycho Psychic: like me 

Fridge Magnet: ohhhh I get it now 

Fridge Magnet: it was really stupid but I get it 

Psycho Psychic: why do I date such morons 

Fridge Magnet: what other morons have you dated Charles?

Psycho Psychic: well let’s see 

Fridge Magnet: I’m waiting 

Psycho Psychic: shut up you know what I meant 

Fridge Magnet: do I?

Fridge Magnet: because I don’t think you have dated anyone else but me

Psycho Psychic: on the contrary 

Psycho Psychic: you see I have dated others but none of them as idiotic as you 

Fridge Magnet: I’m honored to be youre first idiot 

Psycho Psychic: and I am honored to be you’re first genius 

Fridge Magnet: and you’ll be the last 

Psycho Psychic: awe cuz you wanna marry me 

Fridge Magnet: don’t flatter yourself darling 

Fridge Magnet: I was just saying that I wouldn’t date another smart person cuz you mean as hell and I don’t wanna deal with another crazy bitch like you

Fridge Magnet: so u my first and my last 

Psycho Psychic: rude bitch

Fridge Magnet: you know you love me 

Psycho Psychic: not anymore 

Fridge Magnet: darn 

Psycho Psychic: im here little dick boy 

Fridge Magnet: we both know that nickname isn’t accurate 

Psycho Psychic: shut up Erik I’ll kill you 

Fridge Magnet: make my fucking day 

Fridge Magnet: wait were you texting and driving 

Psycho Psychic: no mom I was using the voice to text 

Fridge Magnet: you’re lucky 

Fridge Magnet: and I’m pretty sure your supposed to call me daddy not mom 

Psycho Psychic: fuck off

Fridge Magnet: I’d rather fuck you please 

Psycho Psychic: enough you horndog 

Fridge Magnet: fine 

Psycho Psychic: are coming or not 

Fridge Magnet: I wish 

Psycho Psychic: wait what?

Psycho Psychic: oh my god I just got it 

Psycho Psychic: I hate you Erik 

Psycho Psychic: so very deeply

Fridge Magnet: alright alright I’m coming down the stairs now 

Fridge Magnet: hahaha that sounds like a weird porno 

Psycho Psychic: Erik 

Fridge Magnet: sorry 

Fridge Magnet: whoa bitch did you just leave me on read 

Fridge Magnet: rude ass with a great ass 

Fridge Magnet: ig I’ll just stay here if you won’t answer me 

Psycho Psychic: okay fine 

Fridge Magnet: that’s what I thought 

Psycho Psychic: you are a thot 

Fridge Magnet: sometimes 

Psycho Psychic: bitch what do you mean “sometimes” 

Fridge Magnet: why are you still texting me I’m sitting right next to you 

Psycho Psychic: cuz I can bitch 

Fridge Magnet: just freaking drive or I’m getting out 

Psycho Psychic: fineeeeee

December 4, 2018 9:09 A.M 

Fridge Magnet to Psycho Psychic 

Fridge Magnet: wtf is taking you so long in there 

Psycho Psychic: these pants is hard to get on 

Psycho Psychic: plz come help me 

Fridge Magnet: for a genius you are really stupid 

Psycho Psychic: fuck off Erik 

Fridge Magnet: fine ig you don’t want help

Psycho Psychic: come on plz come help me 

Fridge Magnet: that doesn’t sound like a sincere apology

Psycho Psychic: sorry now please come in here 

Fridge Magnet: what will you do for me in return 

Psycho Psychic: Erik please 

Fridge Magnet: oh look at this Dairy Queen has there seasonal blizzard flavors maybe I’ll have something 

Psycho Psychic: wait I’ll make you a deal

Fridge Magnet: I’m listening 

Psycho Psychic: if you help me with my pants I’ll give you a blow job later at the party 

Fridge Magnet: wait why at the party you never do anything sexual in public 

Psycho Psychic: we don’t have time before

Fridge Magnet: fine you got yourself a deal

Psycho Psychic: yes! Come help 

Fridge Magnet: wait nevermind 

Psycho Psychic: ERIK

Psycho Psychic: why 

Fridge Magnet: cuz you give terrible head when ur drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any requests? Let me know!


	30. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the Christmas Party!

_America’s Ass to Daddy Warbucks_

December 4,2018 10:09 P.M. 

**America’s Ass** : um tony??

 **Daddy Warbucks** : yes sweet cheeks

 **America’s Ass** : who the heck are all these people

 **Daddy Warbucks** : well I think the word got out that I was having a party

 **America’s Ass** : u don’t say

 **Daddy Warbucks** : hush I dont need ur sass rogers

 **Daddy Warbucks** : damn how many people do you think are here

 **America’s Ass** : I dunno probably close150

 **Daddy Warbucks** : shit

 **Daddy Warbucks** : that a new record

 **America’s Ass** : of course you would find pride in this

 **Daddy Warbucks** : how about instead of giving me tude you help me get the kegs from the basement

 **Daddy Warbucks** : and by help me I mean you carry them yourself and I’ll watch

 **America’s Ass** : what does “tude” mean

 **Daddy Warbucks** : it’s short for attitude

 **America’s Ass** : ur short

 **Daddy Warbucks** : shut up and come help you big goof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already miss Christmas so that’s why I’m saving this for now :)


	31. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 2

Pink Panther to Daddy Warbucks

December 4, 2018 10:19 P.M.

 **Pink** **Panther** : hey is it cool if I bring my cousins? They’re new and figured this would be a good way for them to meet people

 **Daddy Warbucks** : Go for it!

 **Pink Panther** : uh thanks

 **Pink Panther** : ur kinda scaring me without the sarcasm

 **Daddy Warbucks** : that was Steve so 

**Pink Panther** : ahh that makes so much more sense

 **Pink Panther** : can you please be super nice to them? They’re kinda sensitive to new surroundings 

Daddy Warbucks: you know I’m not very friendly 

**Pink Panther** : plz Tony 

**Daddy Warbucks** : ugh what are their names 

**Pink Panther** : Okoye and M’Baku 

**Daddy Warbucks:** your family has some weird names

 **Pink Panther** : I’m pretty sure that’s racist 

**Daddy Warbucks** : oops 

**Daddy Warbucks** : i’ll run it by Steve 

**Daddy Warbucks** : you know since he’s the nice one 

**Pink Panther** : thanks tony I owe you one 


	32. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of the Christmas party!

_The Walmart Greeters_

_Members: Twinkle Toes, Square Up □ꜛ, Draxula, I AM GROOT, NotACricket, Metal Mouth, Trash Panda_

_December 4, 2018 10:22 P.M._

**Twinkle Toes** : so here’s the plan we go in drink a shit ton of tequila take all the shrimp cocktail and bounce 

**Square Up □ꜛ** : we all know that Drax and tequila don’t mix 

**Twinkle Toes** : fine forget the tequila just get the shrimp 

**NotACricket** : I am severely allergic to shrimp 

**Twinkle Toes** : then bring rubber gloves 

**NotACricket** : I can’t go within five feet of them or I’ll swell up like a balloon 

**Twinkle Toes** : it’s worth the risk 

**NotACricket** : but

**Twinkle Toes** : thank you for ur sacrifice soldier 

**Trash Panda** : listen doofus tonight ain’t about you 

**Trash Panda** : I’m coming to drink and meet some ladies and to stay the hell away from you 

**Twinkle Toes** : it’s not like you have a chance with any girl anyways 

**Trash Panda** : and why not 

**Twinkle** **Toes** : uh cuz ur a breathing build a bear 

**Square Up □** ꜛ: Peter! That was a dick move 

**Trash Panda** : no no it’s alright Gamora he’s got a point 

**Twinkle Toes** : see ^

**Square Up □ꜛ** : peter 

**I AM GROOT** : I am groot I am groot I am groot 

**Square Up** □ꜛ: great job quill now both groot and rocket are upset 

**Twinkle Toes** : whatever I’m over you losers 

**Twinkle Toes** : peace out lades ✌️

**Square Up □ꜛ** : what an asshole 

**Trash Panda** : ehh I’m not worried about him 

**Metal Mouth** : shall I kill him?

**Trash Panda** : not yet tin man not yet 


	33. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pt 4 :)

_Psycho Psychic to Fridge Magnet_

December 4, 2018 10:29 P.M.

 **Psycho Psychic** : are you 100% sure I can’t get out of this

 **Fridge Magnet** : yes I’m positive

 **Psycho Psychic** : but I’m scared

 **Fridge Magnet** : why are you scared?

 **Psycho Psychic** : I dunno

 **Fridge Magnet** : well you have no reason to be afraid

 **Fridge Magnet** : you wanna know why?

 **Psycho Psychic** : why

 **Fridge Magnet** : cuz I’ll be be by your side the entire time

 **Fridge Magnet** : and if anyone even looks at you wrong then I’ll punch them in the throat

 **Psycho Psychic** : aww Erik

 **Psycho Psychic** : I didn’t you could be sweet

 **Fridge Magnet** : you a bitch

 **Psycho Psychic** : and it didn’t last

 **Fridge Magnet** : it never does 

**Psycho Psychic** : you wanna know something 

**Fridge Magnet** : sure

 **Psycho Psychic** : I wanna hit you in the mouth 

**Fridge Magnet** : umm what

 **Psycho Psychic** : with my mouth 

**Fridge Magnet** : uh 

**Psycho Psychic** : softly 

**Psycho Psychic** : cuz I love you 

**Psycho Psychic** : Erik?

 **Psycho Psychic** : you still there 

**Fridge Magnet** : sorry I was just wondering why I’m dating you 

**Psycho Psychic** : because u love me 

**Fridge Magnet** : ehh I don’t think that’s the reason 

**Psycho Psychic** : then what’s the reason 

**Fridge Magnet** : you do my chem homework 

**Psycho Psychic** : I hate you 

**Fridge Magnet** : tell me something I don’t know

 **Psycho Psychic** : grasshoppers have ears on their stomachs 

**Fridge Magnet** : ew what 

**Psycho Psychic** : you wanted me to tell you something you didn’t know 

**Psycho Psychic** : so I did 

**Fridge Magnet** : aight 

**Psycho Psychic** : u didn’t just hit me with the “aight”

 **Fridge Magnet** : but I did 

**Psycho Psychic** : well ig I’m not going to the party 

**Fridge Magnet** : why not 

**Psycho Psychic** : cuz you hit me with the aight 

**Fridge Magnet** : I’m sorry :(

 **Psycho Psychic** : it’s too late 

**Fridge Magnet** : I’ll buy you Dairy Queen after the party 

**Psycho Psychic** : fineeeee 

**Fridge Magnet** : :)

 **Psycho Psychic** : wait why Dairy Queen it’s like 35 mins from Starks house 

**Fridge Magnet** : cuz you my queen 

**Psycho Psychic** : stop it 

**Fridge Magnet** : stop what? 

**Psycho Psychic** : being so cute 

**Fridge Magnet** : eww 

**Psycho Psychic** : what?

 **Fridge Magnet** : what have we become 

**Psycho Psychic** : wym 

**Fridge Magnet** : when did we become so cringy 

**Psycho Psychic** : yikes we need to stop that ASAP 

**Fridge Magnet** : agreed 


	34. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 5!

_It Is Wednesday My Dudes to Chimichanga Addict_

Saturday December 4, 2018 10:37 P.M. 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Wade

**Chimichanga Addict** : Yes sugar pie honey bunch 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Where are you 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Look up 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Why are you on the roof 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Cuz I got bored

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : We literally got here 5 minutes ago

**Chimichanga Addict** : You left me 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : TO GET US DRINKS

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Oh my god I can’t believe you just fell off the roof 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Is that your femur sticking out??

**Chimichanga Addict** : Yep

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Are you okay? 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Wait why are you running 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Come back here asshole 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Wade Winston Wilson 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Yes baby boy 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Stop running you jackass 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Awe I love it when you call me profanities 

**Chimichanga Addict** : It reminds me of my childhood 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : I hate you 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Well that’s one thing you and my parents have in common 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Stop making me feel bad 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Sorry :( 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Please come back 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Idk if I can 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Why not 

**Chimichanga Addict** : I’m kinda lost petey pie 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : I can literally see you 

**Chimichanga Addict** : But I can’t see you 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Turn around 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Oh hi 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Hi 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** :Come over here 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Wait I lost you again 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’m behind Thor 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Who’s thor? 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Seriously?

**Chimichanga Addict** : What 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Never mind 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’ll just come to you

**Chimichanga Addict** : Okay 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : No stop walking away 

**Chimichanga Addict** : I’m not 

**Chimichanga Addict** : I’m walking towards you 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : No you aren’t 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Oh 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Just stay exactly where you are 

**Chimichanga Addict** : Okay 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : I said stay 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Jeez ur like a freaking dog 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’m gonna have to put a leash on you 

**Chimichanga Addict** : That’s kinky 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes** : Shut up

**Chimichanga Addict** : Yes sir 


	35. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 6

Area 51 

Saturday December 4, 2018 11:11 P.M

**Red Riding Hood** :I know we should be used to this by now 

**Red Riding Hood** : But where the hell is clint 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I haven’t seen him at all tonight 

**Red Riding Hood** : We drove here together but as soon as we got here he went to the outback to find pietro 

**America’s Ass** : I’ll ask around and see if anyone has seen him 

**Poptart King:** As will I

**Red Riding Hood:** I’ll text pietro and see if he knows 

**America’s Ass** : Good idea 

_ Red Riding Hood to Minute Man  _

Saturday December 4, 2018 11:13 P.M

**Red Riding Hood:** Hey it’s Natasha 

**Red Riding Hood:** Is clint with you 

**Minute Man:** Uh no I was actually about ask you the same thing 

**Red Riding Hood:** Have you seen him at all tonight 

**Minute Man:** Nope

**Minute Man:** I had texted him a ton of times 

**Minute Man:** And he didn’t respond 

**Minute Man:** We had a fight yesterday and I kinda figured that was why 

_ Unknown Number to Minute Man  _

Saturday December 4, 2018 11:16 P.M

**Unknown Number:** Want to play a game?

**Minute Man:** Who is this

**Unknown Number:** Answer the question. 

**Minute Man:** No I don’t want to play a game 

**Unknown Number:** You may want to reconsider, if you want to see your precious Clint alive.

_ Minute Man to Red Riding Hood  _

Saturday December 4, 2018 11:17P.M

**Minute Man:** Uh Natasha 

**Red Riding Hood:** What’s up 

**Minute Man:** A random number just texted me and asked if I wanted to play a game 

**Red Riding Hood:** Not to be a bitch but why is this relevant 

**Minute Man:** The number said I need to play the game if I wanted to see clint alive 

**Red Riding Hood:** What the hell????

**Minute Man:** What should I say?

**Red Riding Hood:** Don’t say anything 

**Red Riding Hood:** Come to the living room that’s where I am 

**Minute Man:** Okay 

_ Minute Man to Unknown Number  _

Saturday December 4, 2018 11:20 P.M

**Minute Man:** This is Natasha

**Minute Man:** clint if this is you, you aren’t being funny 

**Unknown Number:** Why hello Ms. Romanoff. 

**Unknown Number:** This is in fact not Clint, but if you wish to see him alive you will humor me and play along with my little game. 

**Red Riding Hood:** Fine

**Red Riding Hood:** What do we have to do 

**Unknown Number:** I am so glad you asked. 

**Unknown Number:** In order to play this game properly we need to have a few extra participants. 

**Red Riding Hood:** Tell me how many and I’ll get you enough players

**Unknown Number:** That decision is not up to you Ms. Romanoff 

**Red Riding Hood:** Then who is it up to

**Unknown Number:** Yours, truly. 

**Red Riding Hood:** Fine then who is going to play

**Unknown Number:** Gather the following into the kitchen. 

**Unknown Number:** Pietro Maximoff 

**Unknown Number:** Steven Rogers 

**Unknown Number:** Anthony Stark 

**Unknown Number:** James Barnes 

**Unknown Number:** Samuel Wilson 

**Unknown Number:** James Rhodes 

**Unknown Number:** Bruce Banner 

**Unknown Number:** Thor Odinson 

**Unknown Number:** And off course you, Ms. Romanoff. 

**Red Riding Hood:** Alright 

**Red Riding Hood:** Okay we’re all in the kitchen 

**Red Riding Hood:** And I explained to them what is happening 

**Unknown Number:** Excellent work. 

**Unknown Number:** Break off into the following groups of three. 

**Unknown Number:** Mr Banner, Mr. Stark, and Mr Rhodes. 

**Unknown Number:** Mr .Wilson, Mr. Rogers, and Mr. Barnes. 

**Unknown Number:** Ms. Romanoff, Mr. Odinson, and Mr. Maximoff. 

**Red Riding Hood:** Is this necessary 

**Unknown Number:** Only if Clint’s fingertips are necessary 

**Red Riding Hood:** Okay fine we are in our groups 

**Unknown Number:** Fantastic. 

**Unknown Number:** Let the games begin 


	36. Santa’s Party Animals pt. 7

**Unknown** : A few essential rules for everyone to follow: 

**Unknown** : 1. No working with other groups. 

**Unknown** : 2. No contacting anyone outside of the game. Police included. 

**Unknown** : 3. Whichever team finds Mr. Barton first, wins. Winner gets the chance to solve the mystery of my identity. 

**Unknown** : If you fail to find Mr. Barton by 5 a.m tomorrow morning, he dies.

**Unknown** : If you fail to follow my simple rules, Mr. Barton dies. 

**Unknown** : Any questions? 

**Unknown** : Excellent. I have taken the liberty of creating group chats for each group. 

**Unknown** : Good luck Players! 

Unknown has added Daddy Warbucks, Trash Slinging Smasher, and Old Town Rhodes to ‘Destiny’s Child’

Unknown has added America’s Ass, Marty McFly, and hArmless to ‘Powerpuff Girls’

Unknown has added Red Riding Hood, Minute Man, and Poptart King to ‘Neapolitan’ 

Destiny’s Child 

December 4, 2018 11:29 P.M. 

**Unknown** : Your first hint is as follows: 

**Unknown** : What runs, but cannot walk, sometimes sings but never talks. Lacks arms, but has hands. Lacks a head, but has a face.

**Daddy Warbucks** : its a clock

**Daddy Warbucks** : I’ll go check by the grandfather clock in the library

**Daddy Warbucks** : I found it 

**Daddy Warbucks** : The next clue says ”your friend is hidden somewhere with care. Where the ornaments are hung, your next clue is there”

**Trash Slinging Slasher** : the Christmas tree 

**Daddy Warbucks** : uh guys I have 8 of them throughout my house 

**Daddy Warbucks** : ill take the one in the library the one my room and the one in the upstairs hallway

**Old Town Rhodes** : I got the one in the fireplace room, the kitchen, and the back porch 

**Trash Slinging Smasher** : ill take the one in the living room and the one in the foyer 

’Powerpuff Girls’ 

December 4, 2018, 11:31

**Unknown** : Your first hint is as follows:

**Unknown** : What is not alive, but grows. It doesn't have lungs but needs air. It doesn't have a mouth but water kills it. 

**hArmless** : a plant!

**Marty McFly** : no dumbass water doesn't kill a plant 

**hArmless** : shoot 

**America’s Ass** : a fire 

**Marty McFly** : but where do we find a fire 

**hArmless** : the fireplace dUmBaSs 

**America’s Ass** : quit fighting and go to the fireplace 

’Neapolitan’

December 4, 2018, 11:32 PM 

**Unknown** : Your first hint is as follows: 

**Unknown** : You answer this, although it was never asked.

**Poptart King** : A Question!

**Red Riding Hood** : no Thor you have to ask a question 

**Minute Man** : umm a phone? 

**Red Riding Hood** : there has to be hundreds of phones here how are supposed to find one with a hint on it 

**Poptart King** : Perhaps the clue is on that antique house phone beside me with the piece of paper hanging from it.

**Red Riding Hood** : check thor 

**Poptart King** : The piece of paper reads ”Santa’s white beard shows that he's old. Your next clue can be found where things are kept cold.”

**Minute Man** : to the fridge! 

’Powerpuff Girls’

December 4, 2018, 11:34 PM

**America’s Ass** : where the hell are you guys I've been here for like 3 minute 

**hArmless** : we got lost 

**America’s Ass** : ill just look for the clue myself 

**America’s Ass** : got it 

**America’s Ass** : ” Your friend can be found in one of the largest containers to contain what you have used, but once you have smelled him you won't be amused.” 

**hArmless** : they put clint in a trash can 

**Marty McFly** : that's just cold

**America’s Ass** : help me check the trash cans out side

**America’s Ass** : Yes not in the ones out front 

**hArmless** : guys what about that giant dumpster across the street 

**America's Ass** : ill check 

**America’s Ass** : thank God I found him he's passed out in a trash bag

**America’s Ass** : text everyone and let then know he's okay 

**Marty McFly** : aye aye cap 

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

**Marty McFly** : Steve found clint sleeping in the dumpster 

**Red Riding Hood** : thank god

**Red Riding Hood** : ill tell Pietro that he's okay 

**Daddy Warbucks** : damn you guys found him already we were still checking the Christmas trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see. I guess it takes a national crisis for me to continue this story :/


	37. Is mama Barnes safe?

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

December 5, 2018, 10:19 AM

**Daddy Warbucks** : guys I think I'm done with parties at my house 

**Knockoff Legolas** : bruhhh whyyyy

**Daddy Warbucks** : you literally got kidnapped and put in a dumpster 

**Knockoff Legolas** : so? 

**Daddy Warbucks** : smh 

**Trash Slinging Slasher** : I wonder when the kidnapper is going to text Steve and reveal his identity 

**Red Riding Hood** : the little bitch was probably bluffing he won't give up his identity 

**Daddy Warbucks** : probably 

**America’s Ass** : you guys will be the first to know if he does text me 

**Trash Slinging Slasher** : how are we sure it a man 

**America's Ass** : I guess we don't 

**Trash Slinging Slasher** : clint do you remember how you got to the dumpster 

**Knockoff Legolas** : nope

**hArmless** : not to change the subject but I'm driving with my mom and we just crashed into a tree 

**Marty McFly** : you alright

**America’s Ass** : who cares about him

**America’s Ass** : is mama Barnes safe?

**hArmless** : well that's rude 

**Daddy Warbucks** : is everyone okay? 

**Daddy Warbucks** : or should I say oaky 

**Daddy Warbucks** : hahaha 

**Daddy Warbucks** : sorry 

**Daddy Warbucks** : but actually 


	38. why don’t you love me?

Daddy Warbucks to America’s Ass 

December 5, 2018, 11:11 A.M

**Daddy Warbucks** : Stebe

**America's Ass** : yes honey

**Daddy Warbucks** : I'm sad 

**America’s Ass** : why?

**Daddy Warbucks** : I dunno 

**America’s Ass** : want me to tell you a joke so you feel better? 

**Daddy Warbucks** : yes please 

**America’s Ass** : why did the chicken cross the road? 

**Daddy Warbucks** : why 

**America's Ass** : to get to the idiots house 

**America’s Ass** : knock knock 

**Daddy Warbucks** : who's there

**America’s Ass** : the chicken 

**Daddy Warbucks** : listen up you motherfucker

**America's Ass** : maybe you should go outside for a bit it might make you feel better 

**Daddy Warbucks:** okay 

**Daddy Warbucks** : uh Steve 

**Daddy Warbucks** : some guy just tried to sell me a praying mantis from south asia 

**America’s Ass** : wtf who would want to buy a praying mantis 

**Daddy Warbucks** : uh me 

**Daddy Warbucks** : I bought one his name is Stebe 

**America’s Ass** : of course you did 

**America’s Ass** : just don't have sex with it. It'll eat you after 

**Daddy Warbucks** : good call. It was looking at me all seductive like

**America’s Ass** : that's how they get ya 

**Daddy Warbucks** : I think I'm gonna make me and stebe mac and cheese 

**America’s Ass** : so your home?

**Daddy Warbucks** : My home what?

**America’s Ass** : Your at home?

**Daddy Warbucks** : my at home what 

**America’s Ass** : look you little shit 

**Daddy Warbucks** : I've been called worse 

**America’s Ass** : like what??

**Daddy Warbucks** : ur boyfriend 

**America’s Ass** : fuck you 

**Daddy Warbucks** : when ;)

**America’s Ass** : asshole

**Daddy Warbucks** : I said when not where 

**America’s Ass** : okay I want a divorce 

**Daddy Warbucks** : we aren’t even married yet so 

**America’s Ass** : oh good less paper work 

**Daddy Warbucks** : why don’t you love me 

**Daddy Warbucks** : will you come over to meet stebe 

**America’s Ass** : I can’t I’m babysitting my little cousin

**America’s Ass** : I have no clue what to do with her

**Daddy Warbucks** : watch yesterday’s episode of Game of Thrones

**America’s Ass** : Tony! Are you insane?

**America’s Ass** : There’s way too much going on. she’ll be completely lost. She’ll have to start from the first episode of season one or it just won’t make any sense. 


	39. Plz lose my number

_It is Wednesday My Dudes_ to _Chimichanga Addict_

December 5, 2018, 11:11 A.M

**  
It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Do you have acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : *acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : *acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : *acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : *acid

 **Chimichanga Addict:** Petey?

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’m not meaning to say acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I mean acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : No not acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’m not meaning to say that 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I mean acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : What the hell!! acid 

**Chimichangas Addict** : Lol you good?

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Wade 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Come over and help me figure out why it’s saying acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’m trying to say acid but it’s saying acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : What the heck!

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Acid

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I swear I’m typing acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Come over here right now

 **Chimichangas Addict** : Sorry babe I don’t have any drugs right now 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Wade!

 **Chimichangas Addict** :I don’t think this obsession with acid is good for you Baby Boy

 **Chimichangas Addict** : I’m gonna call up the rehab center downtown 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Please just get me acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Acid 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Oh my god

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : N

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : O

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : T

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : E

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : S

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Finally 

**Chimichangas Addict** : No I don’t got those either 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I’m done with everything 

**Chimichangas Addict** : Ooo guess what 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : What 

**Chimichangas Addict** : I started a juice cleanse yesterday and then I took a nice stroll

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : What did you really do

 **Chimichangas Addict** : I drank 2 bottles of wine and then I fell down the stairs 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Oh boy 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : You okay 

**Chimichangas Addict** : Ehh I guess 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Umm okay 

**Chimichangas Addict** : I got a joke wanna hear it 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Is the joke my grades?

 **Chimichangas Addict:** No shut up your gonna ruin it 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Fine

 **Chimichangas Addict:** Whats Harry Potters favorite way to go down a hill

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I don’t know

 **Chimichangas Addict** : Walking 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I don’t get it 

**Chimichangas Addict** : JK ROLLING 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Plz lose my number

 **Chimichangas Addict** : But I love you 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** :Mhmm

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** :Alright my turn 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : what do you call an alligator with a vest on?

 **Chimichangas Addict** : Idk what 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : an investigator 

**Chimichangas Addict:** Hahah Lshidmtamsfo 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : What 

**Chimichangas Addict** : Laughing so hard I dropped my taco and my sombrero fell off 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Why are you like this 

**Chimichangas Addict** : Why dont you just love me for whom I am

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : I don’t know 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Wait did you just say whom 

**Chimichangas Addict:** Oh darn I think I might have to go to jail for the next couple of days can we post pone our date to next weekend 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Uh why do you have to go to jail

 **Chimichangas Addict** : I sort maybe kind of might of broke a guys eye socket and then busted his knee caps

 **It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Why 

**Chimichangas Addict** : He was trying to cat call me 

**It is Wednesday My Dudes** : Why are you so violent 

**Chimichangas Addict** : Your guess is as good as mine 


	40. You’re okay I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst but Sambucky style

_Marty McFly to hArmless_

Saturday December 5, 2018, 1:19 A.M

**Marty McFly** : Will you do me a favor 

**hArmless:** No 

**Marty McFly:** You don’t even know what I was gonna ask 

**hArmless:** Dont care 

**Marty McFly:** Your so mean to me 

**hArmless:** Sucks to be you

**Marty McFly:** Give me one reason why I shouldn’t dump yo ass 

**hArmless:** Cuz you can’t get anyone better than me 

**Marty McFly:** Wow 

**Marty McFly:** Thanks Buck 

**hArmless:** I’m sorry I didn’t mean that 

**Marty McFly:** Mhm 

**hArmless:** You’re too good for me 

**Marty McFly:** Now you’re lying 

**hArmless:** No I’m not

**hArmless:** I love you and I don’t deserve you 

**Marty McFly:** Whatever 

**hArmless:** How can I make it up to you

**Marty McFly:** Help me with the thing I was trying to ask you to from before 

**hArmless:** Does it involve sex, food, or sleep

**Marty McFly:** No

**hArmless:** Then no thanks 

**Marty McFly:** I hate you 

**hArmless:** Everyone does 

**Marty McFly:** Steve doesnt

**hArmless:** He doesn’t have a choice 

**Marty McFly:** Sure he does

**hArmless:** No it’s kinda like my ma and my sisters 

**hArmless:** They are forced to love me 

**Marty McFly:** Come on everyone likes you

**hArmless:** Like who?

**Marty McFly:** Well everyone at school 

**hArmless:** Right 

**Marty McFly:** T’Challa is always checking you out

**hArmless:** Get outta here 

**Marty McFly:** I’m serious

**hArmless:** Really?

**Marty McFly:** Yep

**hArmless:** Interesting 

**Marty McFly:** What’s that supposed to mean 

**hArmless:** I know that I have options 

**Marty McFly:** That’s great

**hArmless:** That T’Challa likes me?

**Marty McFly:** No that you think you need options 

**hArmless:** I don’t need them it’s just nice to have them 

**Marty McFly:** Tell me something Bucky 

**hArmless:** Okay

**Marty McFly:** Do you actually still love me or are you just staying with me cuz you feel bad?

**hArmless:** Of course I love you 

**Marty McFly:** Well you have a hell of a way of showing it 

**hArmless:** because I won’t help you with something 

**Marty McFly:** Seriously 

**hArmless:** Come on Sam 

**Marty McFly:** No you come on Buck 

**Marty McFly:** I was just trying to ask you out on a date but you are such a fucking ass to go along with it 

**hArmless:** Seriously?

**Marty McFly:** Yes dickhead 

**Marty McFly:** But you’re too self absorbed 

**hArmless:** You’re self absorbed 

**Marty McFly:** Fuck you man 

**hArmless:** No fuck you 

**Marty McFly:** I think I want to take a break 

**hArmless:** Wait what 

**hArmless:** You don’t actually mean that 

**Marty McFly:** I do 

**Marty McFly:** So bye ass wipe 

**hArmless:** Sam 

**hArmless:** Plz don’t 

**hArmless:** Sam

**hArmless:** Stop

**hArmless:** I’m sorry

**hArmless:** Plz answer me

**hArmless:** I love you so much 

**hArmless:** God I really fucked up didn’t I

**hArmless:** Sammy 

**hArmless:** Plz baby 

**hArmless:** I’m so sorry 

Saturday December 5, 2018, 1:19 A.M  
  
 _hArmless to America’s Ass_

**hArmless:** Steve I fucked up 

**America’s Ass:** I know 

**hArmless:** How do you know 

**America’s Ass:** I just got off the phone with Sam 

**hArmless:** You did? 

**America’s Ass:** You hurt him bad buck 

**hArmless:** I know 

**America’s Ass:** How are you gonna make it better punk?

**hArmless:** I dunno 

**hArmless:** Help me

**America’s Ass:** No can do mi amigo 

**hArmless:** Why

**America’s Ass:** This is your fuck up

**America’s Ass:** You gotta fix it 

**hArmless:** Fine

**America’s Ass:** good luck 

Saturday December 5, 2018, 1:19 A.M  
  
 _hArmless to Marty McFly_

**hArmless:** Sam I love you so much it hurts. I joke about options but I know if you dumped my sorry ass that I would hate myself for the rest of my lousy life for letting something as good as you go. Your like my air I can’t breathe without you. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I took the joke way too far. Please forgive me. I can’t live without you. If you’ll let me I would like to do that favor for you now. 

**Marty McFly:** Okay

**hArmless:** Okay?

**hArmless:** Will you let me make it up to you?

**Marty McFly:** Fine 

**hArmless:** Love you 

**Marty McFly:** You’re okay I guess 

**hArmless:** I’m glad you answered cuz I had a poem written for you 

**Marty McFly:** Let me hear it 

**hArmless:** No

**Marty McFly:** My heart is shattered you wounded me oh agony 

**hArmless:** I love you Sam

More than chipped ham

You’re the very best 

Better than the rest 

Take me back please 

Even though I’m worse than dogs with fleas

**Marty McFly:** Very beautiful 

**Marty McFly:** I’m touched 

**hArmless:** Take me back?

**Marty McFly:** Ehh I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requests would be appreciated :)


	41. You’re next, Love Moth

Monday December 7, 2018 9:57 A.M

_It Is Wednesday My Dudes to Upper Crust_

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Slight issue 

**Upper Crust:** With what 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** So I’m in the lab 

**Upper Crust:** Okay?

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** And there’s a moth outside the door

 **Upper Crust:** Alright

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** and I’m scared 

**Upper Crust:** Of what?

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** The moth 

**Upper Crust:** Your literally Spider-Man you fight actual super villains regularly 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Quit phobia shaming me 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Plz come get it 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Hurry I’m going to cry in about two seconds 

**Upper Crust:** Okay fine I’m on my way 

**Upper Crust:** Shuri is dead. You’re next, love moth. 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Not funny 

**Upper Crust:** It’s gone 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Is it dead 

**Upper Crust:** No I caught it and I’m going to put it outside 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Wtf 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Why would you do that 

**Upper Crust:** Cuz they’re harmless 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Harmless my ass 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** One time one of them flew in to my mouth and I almost choked and died 

**Upper Crust:** Maybe you should’ve kept your mouth closed 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** That’s what she said 

**Upper Crust:** Shut up 

**Upper Crust:** You’re lucky I’m doing this for you after the Christmas party 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Why???

 **Upper Crust:** You were so drunk you walked up to a semi-truck and whispered… Optimus Prime 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** So you know his secret too…

 **Upper Crust:** Go away

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** I wasn’t even that drunk. I drove myself home 

**Upper Crust:** Dude don’t even try denying it

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:**???

 **Upper Crust:** I drove you home while you drove with a paper airplane 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Oh I thought that was a dream 

**Upper Crust:** Idiot 

**Upper Crust:** I still can’t believe you’re afraid of moths 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Why

 **Upper Crust:** You literally love bugs 

**Upper Crust:** You held a two inch cock last week

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Uh no Wades is at least 8 

**Upper Crust:** Omg that was supposed to say cock roach

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** big oof lol

 **Upper Crust:** I just laughed so hard

 **Upper Crust:** People are staring 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** I’m cracking uppppp

 **Upper Crust:** Coulson just asked what kind of drugs I was on

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Yikes

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** What did you tell him?

 **Upper Crust:** I told him I’m trying Speed for the first 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Nice 

**Upper Crust:** He just laughed and walked away 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** good ol coulson


	42. I Need Names

_America’s Ass to Daddy Warbucks_

Monday, December 7, 2018, 10:04 A.M

 **America’s Ass:** Are you okay?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** I’m great

 **America’s Ass:** Plz don’t lie 

**America’s Ass:** What’s the matter 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Nothing I’m fine 

**America’s Ass:** You didn’t look fine when I saw you walking down the hall 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I always look good

 **America’s Ass:** You were crying 

**Daddy Warbucks:** It’s not a big deal 

**America’s Ass:** Yes it is

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Just leave it alone 

**America’s Ass:** Why won’t you just tell me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Because if I do you’ll get suspended 

**America’s Ass:** What does that even mean 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I can’t tell you 

**America’s Ass:** Tell me Tony

 **America’s Ass:** Or I swear I’ll leave chem and come find you 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Don’t

 **America’s Ass:** Baby please tell me what’s wrong 

**Daddy Warbucks:** People were just talking bad about me 

**Daddy Warbucks:** It’s nothing new so I’m not sure why it still bothers me

 **America’s Ass:** What did they say

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Just that they think I’m playing you

 **Daddy Warbucks:** and that you’re too good for me (which I already know)

 **America’s Ass:** Names 

**Daddy Warbucks:** What

 **America’s Ass:** I need names Tony

 **Daddy Warbucks:** No I can’t

 **America’s Ass:** Why not

 **America’s Ass:** I just want to have a conversation with whoever said this bullshit 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I know what you mean by.a “conversation” 

**America’s Ass:** And?

 **Daddy Warbucks:** You aren’t getting suspended again

 **America’s Ass:** Who cares

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Sarah will beat your ass 

**America’s Ass:** Facts but she’ll understand 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Plz just stop

 **America’s Ass:** Fine 

**America’s Ass:** But please don’t listen to those idiots 

**America’s Ass:** If anything you’re too good for me 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Lies

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Slander 

**America’s Ass:** Nope

 **America’s Ass:** Omg TONY

 **Daddy Warbucks:** What

 **America’s Ass:** I just saw the most beautiful guy ever 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Oh um ok

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Who was it? Is he new or something

 **America’s Ass:** Well I unlocked my phone and saw this guy smiling back at me in my wallpaper 

**America’s Ass:** The love of my life <3

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Oh my god 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Why are you so cute 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I’m smiling so hard in the bathroom with snot all over my face 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Anyone who walks in is gonna think I’m a weirdo 

**America’s Ass:** You are a weirdo 

**America’s Ass:** But you’re my weirdo

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Stop being so cute for like 5 seconds 

**Daddy Warbucks:** You big ol golden retriever puppy 

**America’s Ass:** I am not a golden retriever puppy

 **Daddy Warbucks:** You are 

**America’s Ass:** Am not

 **Daddy Warbucks:** You’re just a big softie

 **America’s Ass:** Stop you’re going to ruin my tough guy rep

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Everyone knows what you really are 

**Daddy Warbucks:** Don’t try to fight it 

**America’s Ass:** Love you Tiny

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Love you more Stebe 

**America’s Ass:** Speaking of Stebe did that fucker die yet

 **Daddy Warbucks:** Be nice to my baby 


	43. I’m kinda thinking that Hydra kidnapped me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a tiny filler

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Monday, December 7, 2018, 3:55 P.M.

Knockoff Legolas: small issue guys

Daddy Warbucks: now what?

Knockoff Legolas: I’m kinda thinking that Hydra kidnapped me

Red Riding Hood: what do you mean “kinda thinking”

Knockoff Legolas: well i was chillin at dairy queen and then everything went black

Knockoff Legolas: and then I woke up in this room and i was chained to a chained

Knockoff Legolas: and the walls and stuff have hydra shit all over it

Knockoff Legolas: wait nevermind 

Knockoff Legolas: i’m just at that weird octopus themed BDSM club

America’s Ass: wait what

Daddy Warbucks: excuse me?

Knockoff Legolas: yeah i think its called octo-pussy or something

Daddy Warbucks: okay so tell me how it the hell do you mix up hydra with a bdsm club

Knockoff Legolas: well i am still a little groggy from however they knocked me out

Red Riding Hood: do you know who knocked you out

Knockoff Legolas: hydra?

Daddy Warbucks: why would hydra go through the trouble 

Knockoff Legolas: i dont know man hydra are a bunch of assholes

Marty McFly: thats it i’m killing Rumlow

Marty McFly: that little bitch just walked up to me and asked where clint was and then started laughing and walked away

Red Riding Hood: so it was Rumlow 

Daddy Warbucks: that fucker 

America’s Ass: apparently he didnt get enough the last time we got even with him

hArmless: so what are we gonna do cap

America’s Ass: ive got the perfect plan but i need to work out the small details first 

Marty McFly: just let us know what you need and when you need it 

Monday, December 7, 2018, 4:04 P.M.

America’s Ass to Goldilocks

America’s Ass: hey sharon

Goldilocks: hey steve

America’s Ass: could you do me a favor

Goldilocks: anything for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Rumlow is being himself again  
> What's Steve's plan?  
> Why does it involve Sharon Carter?  
> Find out next time on Chit-Chat!


	44. you had me at diabolical

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Monday, December 7, 2018, 5:19 P.M.

**America's Ass:** attention everyone

 **America's Ass:** i have hatched a beautiful revenge plan 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I bet it aint as good as mine was

 **America's Ass:** ur right...

 **America's Ass:** its better 

**Daddy Warbucks:** doubtful

 **Red Riding Hood:** just tell us 

**America's Ass:** so i was thinking for all of this week we make everyday a living hell for that little bitch

 **America's Ass:** a few of us each take a day and come up with the most diabolical ideas humanly possible

 **Red Riding Hood:** you had me at diabolical 

**Marty McFly:** I'm down for some sweet revenge

 **hArmless:** HERE COMES REVENGE JUST FOR YOU 

**hArmless:** REVENGE YOU CANT UNDO

 **Red Riding Hood:** umm excuse me

 **Marty McFly:** just ignore him he's been unhealthily binging metallica so

 **Red Riding Hood:** um alright

 **Old Town Rhodes:** I'm ready to make rum low cry like a little bitch

 **Old Town Rhodes:** again

 **Knockoff Legolas:** eh ill help

 **Trash Slinging Smasher:** I could help

 **Poptart King:** I could also lend a helping hand in you're crusade for revenge in Clintons honor

 **America's Ass:** alright everyone go brainstorm and meet back here in 10 minutes


	45. that's a little brutal

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Monday, December 7, 2018, 5:30 P.M.

**America's Ass:** alright who wants to go first?

 **Daddy Warbucks** : me

 **Daddy Warbucks:** tomorrow before school I'm going to sneak in with a big sign that says "BROCK RUMLOW @ brock_therock HAS HERPES

 **America's Ass** : not bad

 **Knockoff Legolas:** okay so everyday during geometry rumlow literally leaves for the entire period to go to the locker room and shower

 **Daddy Warbucks:** eew why?

 **Knockoff Legolas:** no clue but I think we could use that to our advantage 

**America's Ass:** what period do you have geometry?

 **Knockoff Legolas:** 7

 **America's Ass:** well i have gym 6 period so maybe i could set the bathroom up just for rumlow 

**America's Ass:** ill fix the first shower with fake spiders and cobwebs

 **America's Ass:** and the second one with fake cameras 

**America's:** but leave the last one open until he turns on the water and a bunch of glitter glue explodes on him

 **Red Riding Hood:** nice

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i can probably sneak to his locker and steal his gym bag

 **America's Ass** : i'm thinking we could replace his deodorant with butter

 **Daddy Warbucks:** lets put nair in his shampoo 

**Red Riding Hood:** jeez 

**Red Riding Hood:** that's a little brutal

 **Knockoff Legolas** : he kidnapped me!

 **Red Riding Hood:** touche 

**Red Riding Hood:** well lets put honey in his body wash so a bunch of bugs attack him

 **Old Town Rhodes:** i think we should put some itching powder all over his towel

 **Daddy Warbucks:** guys I'm at the mall and i can see a shirt at spencers that says daddy's little slut I'm buying it

 **Marty McFly:** thanks for sharing

 **Daddy Warbucks:** i was thinking we could switch his change of clothes for the shirt, and then someone steal his dirty clothes so he can't change back into those

 **hArmless:** that's great and all but i don't know if i want to see rumlows junk as he walks through the halls

 **Daddy Warbucks:** well there is a bright pink mens thong 

**Red Riding Hood:** do it

 **America's Ass:** well i think that covers tomorrow 


	46. it’s a code you moron

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Tuesday , December 8 2018, 1:33 P.M

 **  
America’s Ass:** okay so the bathroom is set up 

**Daddy Warbucks** : I have the replacement clothes, deodorant, shampoo, and body wash 

**Daddy Warbucks:** and the itching powder 

**Knockoff Legolas:** Rumlow just left 

  
  


Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Tuesday December 8, 2018, 1:44 P.M.

 **Daddy Warbucks:** the eagle is in the nest 

**Knockoff Legolas:** what eagle 

**Daddy Warbucks:** it’s a code you moron 

**Daddy Warbucks:** okay his stuff is successfully switched 

**Red Riding Hood:** now everyone get a hall pass and get ready for rumlow to come running 

**hArmless:** omg he’s coming I can see him

 **Old Town Rhodes:** he’s sticking to the floor 😂

 **Red Riding Hood:** look at that big bald spot 

**Marty McFly** : the glitter glue really brings out his eyes 

**Knockoff Legolas:** yeah well that thong burns out my eyes 

**Daddy Warbucks:** well maybe now he won’t fuck with us 

**America’s Ass:** we still have the rest of the week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requests? I’ll do pretty much anything


	47. oh good you’re going to be reasonable

_It Is Wednesday My Dudes to Chimichanga Addict  
  
_

_Tuesday , December 8 2018, 1:33 P.M_

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** whatcha doin 

**Chimichanga Addict:** plotting murder   
**  
It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** whose demise are you planning this time??

 **Chimichanga Addict:** Storm

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** susan? Why she’s super nice 

**Chimichanga Addict:** no not sUsAn

 **Chimichanga Addict:** that prick Johnny 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** erm why 

**Chimichanga Addict:** you know exactly why 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** I really don’t 

**Chimichanga Addict:** they were playing smash or pass and he said he would smash you 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Wade 

**Chimichanga Addict:** yes 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** It’s not really a big deal 

**Chimichanga Addict:** you’re right it’s not a big deal

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** oh good you’re going to be reasonable 

**Chimichanga Addict:** it’s a huge deal 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** ugh 

**Chimichanga Addict:** so tell me Petey pie 

**Chimichanga Addict:** how do you think your Prince Charming wants to die 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** stop it 

**Chimichanga Addict:** I’m thinking Bea through the gut and Arthur right down in the heart 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** What does that even mean 

**Chimichanga Addict:** oh those are my katanas 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** no!

 **Chimichanga Addict:** yeah I’m not feeling the whole slicy and dicy he would probably melt em 

**Chimichanga Addict:** perhaps a nice round of ammo through his skull 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** WADE! STOP

 **Chimichanga Addict:** is there an issue 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** you are NOT killing Johnny storm 

**Chimichanga Addict:** oh I see how it is 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** how what is?

 **Chimichanga Addict:** you are blowing his torch behind my back 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** ew absolutely not 

**Chimichanga Addict:** it would make sense being you don’t want me to kill him cuz he’s your lover 

**Chimichanga Addict:** I guess it was only a matter of time before you left me for someone who didn’t look like a special victims unit case

 **It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** that’s not true 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Wade please stop

 **Chimichanga Addict:** no it’s fine I hope you and flaming hot Cheetos are happy together 


	48. spill the beans bitch

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Tuesday, December 8, 2018, 4:02 P.M.

**Knockoff Legolas:** tea time guys and gal

**Marty McFly:** spill the beans bitch

**Knockoff Legolas:** i heard through the grapevine that wade wilson broke up with little peter parker

**hArmless:** uh oh

**Daddy Warbucks:** you best be lying barton 

**Knockoff Legolas:** nope 

**Knockoff Legolas:** I heard it from a very reliable source (pietro)

**America’s Ass:** i wonder if i cut wilsons head off if it will grow back

**Marty McFly:** why are you cutting off my head and why would it grow back

**Marty McFly:** oh wait never mind

**Marty McFly:** we’re talking about the other wilson

**hArmless:** duh you moron 

**Daddy Warbucks:** im gonna skin that little bitch alive 

**Red Riding Hood:** before you go all thelma and louise on this punk maybe you should confort peter 

**America’s Ass:** good idea nat

_ America's Ass and Daddy Warbucks has rejoined ‘the Fam’! _

Tuesday, December 8, 2018, 4:02 P.M.

**Daddy Warbucks:** hey pete

**America’s Ass:** how ya doing kid?

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** oh hi guys… im doing okay i guess

**Daddy Warbucks:** we heard that prick ending things with you

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** uh yeah

**America’s Ass:** wants us to skin the jerk alive?

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** NO!

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** i appreciate it guys but i don’t want to bring him physical harm

**Daddy Warbucks:** no fun

**America’s Ass:** ^^

**Daddy Warbucks:** how about instead we make that asshole jealous

**America’s Ass:** show him what he’s missing 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** i dunno guys 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** im not sure if im up for it

**Daddy Warbucks:** no worries

**Daddy Warbucks:** we can hang out if you want to 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** really?

**America’s Ass:** im already at tony’s we can come pick you up

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** i dont want to be a bother

**Daddy Warbucks:** if we didnt want to we wouldnt have asked

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** im still not sure

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** aunt may doesnt really like me going out on a school night

**Daddy Warbucks:** just tell her that im picking you up for a school project or something

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** okay fine

**America’s Ass:** we’ll be there in 5 minutes 


	49. so wrong but so funny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few adult jokes to brighten your day

Meme Team- Members: It Is Wednesday My Dudes, Upper Crust, Minute Man, Witches Be Crazy

Wednesday, December9, 2018, 2:13 P.M.

**Minute Man:** okay so I know that peter is feeling down so I think right now is the perfect opportunity to tell our best jokes possible

**Witches Be Crazy:** and by best jokes you mean the cheesiest, most unbearably idiotic jokes possible 

**Minute Man:** precisely

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** you guys don’t have to 

**Upper Crust:** oh but we want to 

**Minute Man:** I’ll go first 

**Minute Man:** what’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** what?

**Minute Man:** you can unscrew a light bulb 

**Upper Crust:** sksksksks 

**Witches Be Crazy:** staaaaap 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** so wrong but so funny 

**Minute Man:** hold up I got another one

**Minute Man:** how is a push up bra like a bag of chips?

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** idk how?

**Minute Man:** as soon as you open it you realize it’s half empty 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** lol

**Witches Be Crazy:** Pietro 

**Minute Man:** what

**Witches Be Crazy:** you’re gay…

**Witches Be Crazy:** you don’t even know what the struggle of that joke is 

**Minute Man:** oh and you do?

**Witches Be Crazy:** umm

**Upper Crust:** busted 

**Witches Be Crazy:** okay my turn for a joke

**Minute Man:** you just want to change the subject

**Witches Be Crazy:** yep

**Minute Man:** well go on 

**Witches Be Crazy:** What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** Ew.. do I wanna know?

**Witches Be Crazy:** a private tutor! 

**Minute Man:** boo! You suck

**Witches Be Crazy:** shut up dick head

**Upper Crust:** hehehe my turn bitches 

**Minute Man:** kinda scared 

**Upper Crust:** What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?

**Witches Be Crazy:** Shuri! We have children present 

**Minute Man:** hmm… a dick?

**Upper Crust:** bubble gum

**Upper Crust:** get your minds out of the gutter… nasty ass mofos 

**Upper Crust** : fine I’ve got another one

**Upper Crust:** Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** why?

**Upper Crust:** He wanted to get a long little doggie.

**Minute Man:** not gonna lie… my capris sun came out of my nose 

**Upper Crust:** dude you’re almost 16 why do you still drink capris sun 

**Minute Man:** I don’t wanna hear it… you eat Dino nuggets like they’re going extinct 

**Upper Crust:** touché 

**It Is Wednesday My Dudes:** thanks guys… I feel better now

**Upper Crust:** anytime dude

**Witches Be Crazy:** no prob

**Minute Man:** our pleasure 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind comments! You don’t know how much they encourage me to keep writing :)


	50. guys I’m not on drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky being a crackhead with Sams undying support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 50th Chapter!

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Thursday , December 10 , 2018, 8:47 P.M.

**hArmless** : guys I got a question 

**Red Riding Hood:** okay… 

**Daddy Warbucks** : low key scarred rn ngl 

**hArmless:** how do you guys feel about heroin?? 

**Marty McFly:** shoot me up daddy 

**Knockoff Legolas:** wait what 

**Daddy Warbucks:** buckaroo is on smack? 

**America’s Ass:** he better not be 

**America’s Ass:** I’ll kick his junkie ass 

**Daddy Warbucks:** I hear the rehab center downtown is pretty good 

**hArmless:** guys I’m not on drugs 

**Daddy Warbucks:** coulda fooled me 

**America’s Ass:** ^^ 

**Red Riding Hood:** you do always have that vacant look in your eyes 

**Knockoff Legolas:** and the mega anger issues

 **hArmless:** I don’t have anger issues 

**hArmless:** and even if I did it’s not my fault 

**Daddy Warbucks:** then who’s fault is it

 **hArmless:** hydra… duh 

**Knockoff Legolas:** why? R they ur drug dealer?

 **hArmless:** they brainwashed me you cock sucker 

**Knockoff Legolas** : mhm 

**Old Town Rhodes:** if you aren't on drugs then why are you interested in heroin?

 **hArmless:** I wanna sell it 

**Daddy Warbucks:** why would you want to sell heroin?

 **hArmless:** cuz I’m broke as shit 

**America’s Ass:** buck 

**hArmless:** what

 **America’s Ass:** there are so many more ways to make money 

**America’s Ass** : ways that are legal

 **hArmless** : but all those take effort 

**America’s Ass:** I’m pretty sure slinging drugs isn’t easy work 

**Daddy Warbucks:** plus it’s not exactly a safe job 

**hArmless:** well if anybody tries to fuck with me I’ll just crush their wind pipe

 **Red Riding Hood:** classy 

**America’s Ass:** well if you’re gonna get violent then you might as well just rob a bank or something 

**hArmless:** bet

 **America’s Ass:** I was just kidding 

**America’s Ass:** plz don’t 

**hArmless:** I’m gonna be Bucky ‘the street pharmacist’ Barnes 

**America’s Ass:** no

 **America’s Ass:** Sam how do you feel about all this? 

**Marty McFly:** he gotta get the bread somehow 

**America’s Ass:** thanks for the help 

**Marty McFly:** well I want some boujee shit for Christmas so 

**America’s Ass:** smh 

**America’s Ass:** well I ain’t busting your ass out of jail when you get yourself caught 

**Marty McFly:** I’ll get him out no problem 

**America’s Ass :** whatever Bonnie and Clyde


	51. and so it begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter challenge for you guys!   
> Comment how many song you can name (without cheating lol). Also the first person to comment both the artist and the title of each song nat sings (hint: there is 20) will have the chance to decide what the next chapter is about!!! Enjoy :)

Area 51-

Members: America’s Ass, Daddy Warbucks, Knockoff Legolas, Red Riding Hood, Poptart King, The Trash Slinging Smasher, hArmless, Marty McFly, Old Town Rhodes

Friday , December 11 , 2018, 10:13 A.M.

**Knockoff Legolas:** okay so we all know that I quote my favorite movies when I’m high 

**Daddy Warbucks:** we are all well aware 

**America’s Ass** : unfortunately 

**Knockoff Legolas:** well I now know what nat does when she is high 

**Knockoff Legolas:** she sings her favorite rock songs 

**Red Riding Hood:** I love rock n roll so put another dime in the jukebox baby 

**Daddy Warbucks:** wait why is nat high?

**Knockoff Legolas:** we just went and got her wisdom teeth out

**Red Riding Hood:** do you have the time to listen to me rhyme about nothing and everything all at once?

**Knockoff Legolas:** and so it begins 

**Red Riding Hood:** I get up, and nothing gets me down. You got it tough I've seen the toughest around. 

**Daddy Warbucks:** nat can you please sing somewhere else

**Daddy Warbucks:** Im trying to study for finals

**Red Riding Hood:** we don’t need no education. We don’t need no thoughts controlled 

**Daddy Warbucks:** ugh 

_ Daddy Warbucks has left ‘Area 51’ _

_ Red Riding Hood has added Daddy Warbucks to ‘Area 51’ _

**Red Riding Hood** : relax says the nightman we are all programmed to deceive. You can check out anytime you like but can never leave 

**Daddy Warbucks:** great 

**Knockoff Legolas:** I was going to bring her back to school but there is no way she can go

**America’s Ass:** maybe take her to the park?

**Red Riding Hood:** take me down to the paradise city when the grass is green and the girls are pretty 

**Knockoff Legolas:** uh oh nat is trying to talk to a chipmunk 

**Red Riding Hood:** I’m so happy cuz today I found my friends. They’re in my head 

**Knockoff Legolas:** I’m afraid to cross the street with her 

**hArmless:** maybe just hold her hand

**Red Riding Hood:** Oh yeah I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I'll say that something I want to hold your hand

**Knockoff Legolas:** oh no she just ran through traffic by herself 

**Red Riding Hood:** here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known 

**Poptart King:** Natasha, my dearest friend, how are you feeling after your procedure? 

**Red Riding Hood:** I have become comfortably numb 

**Poptart King:** That is great to hear 

**Knockoff Legolas:** nooo 

**America’s Ass:** is everything okay?

**Knockoff Legolas:** she’s climbing the huge ass stairs to the public library 

**Red Riding Hood:** there’s a lady who’s sure all the glitter is gold and she’s buying a stairway to heaven 

**Knockoff Legolas:** so many steps

**Knockoff Legolas:** not gonna make it

**Red Riding Hood:** it’s a long way to the top of you wanna rock n roll

**Knockoff Legolas:** I’m so out of shape... my heart is gonna burst 

**Red Riding Hood:** shot through the heart and you're to blame you give love a bad name 

**Knockoff Legolas:** guys I’m embarrassed 

**Marty McFly:** why lol

**Knockoff Legolas:** I just screamed at nat like a deranged lunatic 

**Daddy Warbucks:** yikes 

**Red Riding Hood:** shout it shout it shout it out loud 

**America’s Ass:** you guys might want to get home it’s gonna storm pretty bad soon 

**Red Riding Hood:** I wanna know have you ever seen the rain? 

**Knockoff Legolas:** thanks cap I think I’m gonna make her leave now 

**Red Riding Hood:** like a dog without a bone an actor out on loan riders on the storm 

**Knockoff Legolas:** this weather reminds me of hurricane weather 

**Red Riding Hood:** here I am rock you like a hurricane 

**America’s Ass:** be careful I just got a tornado alert on my phone 

**Red Riding Hood:** now I’m safe in the eye of the tornado I can’t replace the lies that 1,000 days go 

**Knockoff Legolas:** uh oh nat just took a tumble in the grass lol

**Daddy Warbucks:** is she good?

**Red Riding Hood:** another gone and another one gone and another one bites the dust 

**Knockoff Legolas:** not sure how much more of this rock I can take

**Red Riding Hood:** we’re not gonna take it no we ain’t gonna take we’re not gonna take it anymore 

**America’s Ass:** maybe just take her home and let her rest 

**Knockoff Legolas:** yeah I’m heading there now

**Red Riding Hood:** I’m on my way I’m on my way home sweet home 


	52. si señor it was very life changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... this one is pretty short :(

_Marty McFly to hArmless_

Saturday , December 12, 2018, 9:17 A.M.

  
 **Marty McFly:** what r u doing on today

 **hArmless:** nothing

 **hArmless:** why?

 **Marty McFly:** well my cousin is having this paintball party 

**hArmless:** ok...

 **Marty McFly:** and i think it would very healthy for us to shoot each other 

**hArmless:** im down

 **Marty McFly:** cool

 **Marty McFly:** hey i cant find my gum... did you take it from my locker?

 **hArmless:** probably

 **Marty McFly** : im gonna shoot you the next time you steal my gum 

**hArmless** : thats not very g money of you 

**Marty McFly:** with a sawed off shotgun 

**hArmless:** Jesus

 **Marty McFly:** he can’t help you now

 **hArmless:** oooo guess what 

**Marty McFly:** wut 

**hArmless:** next Tuesday is our analversary

 **Marty McFly** : no our anniversary isnt for another 2 months 

**hArmless:** yeah but our analversary is next tuesday 

**Marty McFly:** our what?

 **hArmless:** 2 years on tuesday since you let me put it up ur butt

 **Marty McFly:** you can’t remember our REAL anniversary or MY birthday but you can remember the first time we had sex

 **hArmless:** si señor it was very life changing  
  
**Marty McFly:** stupid ass motherfucker smh


	53. im just a child

Saturday , December 12, 2018, 11:28 A.M.

Minute Man to Witches Be Crazy 

  
**Minute Man:** I FINALLY KILLED IT 

  
**Witches Be Crazy:** um... killed what exactly?

 **Minute Man:** THE FLY THATS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY

 **Minute Man:** I HAVE HAD MY REVENGE. THE FLIES SHALL FEAR MY NAME AND TREMBLE IN MY MIGHTY PRESENCE

 **Witches Be Crazy:** why are you writing in all caps?

 **Minute Man:** it emphasizes my point 

**Minute Man:** You’re messing up my victory speech wanda

 **Minute Man:** Ahem, where was I... THEY SHALL BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THEIR FALLEN BROTHER!

 **Witches Be Crazy:** you need to tone it down about 47 notches there pietro

 **Minute Man:** fine...

 **Witches Be Crazy:** anyways... did you hear about that italian chef that died?

 **Minute Man:** no...?

 **Witches Be Crazy:** yeah he pasta away 

**Minute Man:** i hate you 

**Witches Be Crazy:** i cannoli do so much 

**Minute Man:** why are you this way?

 **Witches Be Crazy:** at least his legacy will be a pizza history

 **Minute Man:** smh 

**Witches Be Crazy:** oh and btw I know you snuck out to see clint last night

 **Minute Man:** if you snitch i swear i’ll murder you

 **Minute Man:** and ur body will never be found 

**Witches Be Crazy:** 10 bucks

 **Minute Man:** 5 

**Witches Be Crazy:** 10

 **Minute Man:** 5 bucks take it or leave it 

**Witches Be Crazy:** oh look mom just got home

 **Minute Man:** ugh fine

 **Witches Be Crazy:** it was very nice doing business with you

 **Witches Be Crazy:** also i want another 20 

**Minute Man:** for?

 **Witches Be Crazy:** i know ur the one who took dads whiskey 

**Minute Man:** no idea what ur talking about 

**Witches Be Crazy:** you better either fess up to dad or pay me cuz im not covering your ass for free

 **Minute Man:** im just a child... i dont even drink alcohol 

**Witches Be Crazy:** pfft... you know i can see your snapchat stories right?

 **Minute Man:** well fuck 

**Minute Man:** when did we become this wanda?

 **Witches Be Crazy:** become what??

 **Minute Man:** needing payment for having each others back

 **Witches Be Crazy:** since mom stop paying for my nail appointments

 **Minute Man** : damn... ur gonna run your own twin dry just to get your nails done 

**Minute Man:** thats terrible sis

 **Witches Be Crazy:** you know what wont be terrible?

 **Witches Be Crazy:** my nails

 **Minute Man:** you monster 


End file.
